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Is she being judgemental?

I was devastated when my wife left me for another man last april. A couple months on though I met someone completely amazing and we have now been together just over a year. We don't live together but spend every weekend doing fun events with my 8 year old son who idolizes her. She has healed us as a family.

My friend, Ella, supported me through the break up of my marriage and saw how upset I was. I would regularly cry to her. She was concerned that my son was vomiting regularly too and said it must be down to the separation. I disagreed with her as he got past it very quickly and was not really affected by his mum and I splitting up. My son has had tests done and nothing abnormal came up but he does suffer from food allergies.

Since school went back, I have had to keep him off three times and my friend once again said she was worried about him and said 'Are you sure he is really feeling ok about the separation and all the changes? ' I cant help but feel she is being judgmental. How do I tell her to back off?
Miram · 31-35, F
That doesn't sound judgmental, more of a concern.
Moonpenny · F
You don't!
Children are highly resilient but they're also affected deeply by anything to do with a break-up including blaming themselves to a greater or lesser extent. Sometimes they can't express their own feelings because of their lack of maturity to do so, and alternatively don't want to upset a parent when they're obviously happy and they're also included happily within this relationship too, like your child. Children are very intuitive but don't want to say something out of turn.
Without being arrogant, I think your new partner maybe wants to say roughly what I've just said and definitely doesn't want to come across as judgemental at all. She sounds the right person, for both you and your child. Good luck!
Moonpenny · F
@BluePlanet I'm sorry, I thought they were one and the same person but my explanation still holds. Maybe she thinks your child has emotional issues. She's probably right.
BluePlanet · 36-40, M
@Moonpenny he hasn't. He has lots of friends and is doing well at school. He also loves my partner.
Moonpenny · F
@BluePlanet Then don't delve below the surface. As I said...good luck!
That will be hard to do without her getting in some way hurt from expressing her concern. But she sounds like a good person so I'm guessing ,any way you tell her will sting a bit but she will understand and I'm sure she will get over it...
rckt148 · 61-69, M
I agree with Miram
She is just concerned ,,unless you're leaving a whole lot out of you're post
She is just trying to get you to examine that it may still be effecting you're son ..but since you are happy ,you don't want to see something that maybe she can
but its you're "friend " ,
Friends should be able to tell one another to give me some room here and it not cause to much drama
But I would keep in mind
She was just trying to help
and just maybe it would have been more beneficial to talk things out with her
and not seek advice from people who don't actually know you on social media
BluePlanet · 36-40, M
I just wish she could accept that he is over the separation and is happy.
BluePlanet · 36-40, M
@SW-User how does your reply differ now?
SW-User
@BluePlanet
She's a concerned friend..
Let her know that you appreciate her caring and that you are working on the problem.
BluePlanet · 36-40, M
@SW-User There isn't a problem
4meAndyou · F
Tell her that you are always right, that you know your son better than she does, and you don't really want a woman around trying to mother your son.
BluePlanet · 36-40, M
@4meAndyou not strictly true. My partner mothers my son and I don't need my friend doing it too
SW-User
I don't see anything wrong with her concerns..
You should appreciate that she cares.
Peppa · 31-35, F
A concerned friend

 
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