(RANT) Me and my (former) online best friend are stuck in a horrible friendship
They'll never see this so I guess I can be as blunt as possible and not worry about hurting their feelings
But through most of my teen and early adult life I was addicted to them. Whether romantic or not, I didn't really know.
But I was so reliant on them emotionally and mentally. With a lot of ups and downs
I think they didn't treat me very nicely and it caused so much pain and depression
I remember them ghosting me for a month which hurt so bad. I couldn't understand how it was possible for them to do that and it really hurt my trust. We've had times we want to try a relationship and it never really worked out
But when I was stuck in Italy, I mentally was able to move on. After like... 8-9 years I was finally like... Wow I don't care anymore?? They can't effect me or hurt me like they used to?
It felt like they would do it for fun honestly. No matter how hard I tried they would make me miserable and hurt.
But suddenly I was able to move on. I made better friends and felt more cared about and taken seriously, my mind switched completely, but I don't know what caused it
And I've really slowed down my efforts of talking to them and letting our friendship weaken
Only to realize now I'm the one who's being dismissive and abusive to their feelings. 2 days ago they sent me a really long message about how I need to just tell them if I don't love them anymore and how it hurts so bad
And I feel so badly, but I remember I used to be the one writing these same type of messages.
So I don't really know what to do. Being colder and more distant hasn't helped, now they are very reliant on me
I know the correct thing is probably to just tell them directly and move on, but I don't know what I'll do about it.
I'm in an official relationship and they know this, and it's unfair to both of them to not just tell them off and let go, but I worry too much about hurting them
Anyways, I'm not really looking for answers or advice, just ranting these thoughts and feelings.
But through most of my teen and early adult life I was addicted to them. Whether romantic or not, I didn't really know.
But I was so reliant on them emotionally and mentally. With a lot of ups and downs
I think they didn't treat me very nicely and it caused so much pain and depression
I remember them ghosting me for a month which hurt so bad. I couldn't understand how it was possible for them to do that and it really hurt my trust. We've had times we want to try a relationship and it never really worked out
But when I was stuck in Italy, I mentally was able to move on. After like... 8-9 years I was finally like... Wow I don't care anymore?? They can't effect me or hurt me like they used to?
It felt like they would do it for fun honestly. No matter how hard I tried they would make me miserable and hurt.
But suddenly I was able to move on. I made better friends and felt more cared about and taken seriously, my mind switched completely, but I don't know what caused it
And I've really slowed down my efforts of talking to them and letting our friendship weaken
Only to realize now I'm the one who's being dismissive and abusive to their feelings. 2 days ago they sent me a really long message about how I need to just tell them if I don't love them anymore and how it hurts so bad
And I feel so badly, but I remember I used to be the one writing these same type of messages.
So I don't really know what to do. Being colder and more distant hasn't helped, now they are very reliant on me
I know the correct thing is probably to just tell them directly and move on, but I don't know what I'll do about it.
I'm in an official relationship and they know this, and it's unfair to both of them to not just tell them off and let go, but I worry too much about hurting them
Anyways, I'm not really looking for answers or advice, just ranting these thoughts and feelings.
