A weird kind of lonely... I guess
I've been feeling lonely lately but not in a bad way, I think.
I think a while back I got really used to having someone to talk to pretty much at all times, someone to share my interests and all and it's been a bit heavy to lose that, but I was a pretty lonely child and teen and back then I managed to get quite comfortable in my loneliness, it truly wouldn't upset me.
These people who stopped being my friends few months ago, we were very close and I have to accept it was a little too close in certain escenarios which is one of the reasons why we took distance.
Also, my relationship ended, and it just all feels like an open empty field right now in my life because there's really no one I can share with. I must say also that I'm a bit of a chronic yapper.
My point is that my loneliness isn't new to me, it doesn't hurt and I understand that people leaving are just making space for others who can give me freshness and newness, it's just... it feels icky.
I don't know how to deal with icky. I don't really miss these people anymore but there's a recognition of an empty space that gets my attention often and it bothers me, also not in a nostalgic way, just like, I don't know how to find people that will fill those spaces now.
I think a while back I got really used to having someone to talk to pretty much at all times, someone to share my interests and all and it's been a bit heavy to lose that, but I was a pretty lonely child and teen and back then I managed to get quite comfortable in my loneliness, it truly wouldn't upset me.
These people who stopped being my friends few months ago, we were very close and I have to accept it was a little too close in certain escenarios which is one of the reasons why we took distance.
Also, my relationship ended, and it just all feels like an open empty field right now in my life because there's really no one I can share with. I must say also that I'm a bit of a chronic yapper.
My point is that my loneliness isn't new to me, it doesn't hurt and I understand that people leaving are just making space for others who can give me freshness and newness, it's just... it feels icky.
I don't know how to deal with icky. I don't really miss these people anymore but there's a recognition of an empty space that gets my attention often and it bothers me, also not in a nostalgic way, just like, I don't know how to find people that will fill those spaces now.
