my boyfriend is mad at me for this

idk who’s in the wrong. so he told me he’s going for a pint with his friend matt. and i said “i thought u and matt weren’t friends anymore” because matt was at a house party once, and on the way home he said “i should have raped that girl” my boyfriend fell out with him for it, so did two of his other friends.

so now clearly they’ve made up since they are going to the pub together. and after i said “i thought u and matt weren’t friends anymore” he said “we are okay now” and i replied saying “ew” and he said “what do u mean ew? i could say the same about ur friend abbie” and i said “abbie doesn’t talk about raping people” and he got mad at me and said sarcastically “im sure abbie has never made a mistake whilst drunk and said something out of order, im sure she’s such an angel” and then he said “u can leave me alone today”

idk if it’s just me but i feel like regretting not raping a girl isn’t a thing people say when drunk

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Jonjdw · 51-55, M

If he want to let go what Matt said ok that fine Matt was drunk I guess. But it also sounds like he doesn’t care about what you think and does not want to talk about it. But maybe he will. Relationship needs to talk and talk about their feelings and who they are. But you are young and I assume so with he.

Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F

@Jonjdw he’s almost 24

Jonjdw · 51-55, M

@Katiecunn12 still young. If he want a good relationship with you, he’s gonna have to talk about his feelings. But that could be hard to do for people to. But it has to be done for a good relationship.

Trav2024 · 51-55, M

No, I would say that it is not just you. That's a horrible thing to say and I sure as hell wouldn't have anything to do with anyone like that. I don't blame you at all. Country singer Aaron Tippin said back in the 90's, "You've got to stand for something, Or you'll fall for anything."

Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F

@Trav2024 i just don’t understand why he’s so mad at me? i should be mad at him for comparing his friend to mine, she’d never say or think anything like thwt

PinkMoon · 26-30, F

He isn't mad at you,he's mad at himself for being the kind of guy who is okay with a friend who expressed the desire to be a rapist. He knows exactly why you said ew because that's how he felt at first,why else would he have fallen out with him? He was angered by his own reflection because he doesn't want to own the fact that he is okay with that kind of behaviour. If the law doesn't accept being drunk as an excuse to justify a crime why should you accept it? If the law is willing to hold people accountable for what they do drunk why shouldn't we? Bringing up your friend is a red herring. A logical fallacy that mentions something that isn't relevant to the argument at hand. The conversation had nothing to do with your friend,there is no comparison to be made because he didn't mention something she did that was the moral equivalent of his friend saying he should have raped someone. It's a bad faith argument designed to manipulate you into questioning your instinct.

I'll tell you this and please heed my warning, someone's friends are the reflection of their character. If he thinks that's okay to say then he will have no problem saying it too. That's the truth of his actions. Fuck what his words say because language is easily manipulated, our actions show our beliefs.

Instead of owning his decision he tried to gaslight you into thinking you were the wrong one when he himself felt it was "ew" to begin with,AS PROVEN BY HIS ACTIONS! Why is he all of a sudden making excuses? Why is he acting like you did something wrong?

1.HE IS GASLIGHTING YOU.
2. HE THINKS THERE IS NO PROBLEM IN A MAN SAYING HE WANTS TO RAPE A WOMAN.
3. HE THINKS BEING DRUNK IS A SUFFICIENT EXCUSE FOR DISGUSTING BEHAVIOUR.

4.RUN!!!!🏃‍♀🏃‍♀🏃‍♀🏃‍♀🏃‍♀🏃‍♀🏃‍♀🏃‍♂

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Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F

@PinkMoon he already has came back. that’s when he told me he’s been really stressed with everything, which i already knew. he never usually talks to me like that and is usually so sweet, and reassuring n even he says communication is key. i just don’t understand him. he said that matt is paying for his drinks, so my guess is he’s taking advantage of that cos he feels he needs a break from everything n that’s why he got so defensive. but he said he removed me cos he thought i broke up with him and he doesn’t take words like “don’t ever talk to me again” lightly

PinkMoon · 26-30, F

@Katiecunn12 Good luck with this guy.

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Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F

@YoMomma my boyfriend would never say anything like that, that’s why i’m like why the fuck is he defending him? they fell out for a while because of what matt said, he told matt that if she says stuff like that again he’s not gonna hang out with him again. so fair enough if he’s forgiven him, but getting mad at me and comparing his friend to mine

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