On being friends with people who have very different ethical/political views from my own

Yeah... I'm realizing that it's not possible for me.

I have a co-worker who I have been fairly close to since I began working at this company 2 years ago. She has very very different views on politics, ethics, and her general outlook on life is very different from mine. Now initially, I overlooked this because she was nice to me and I didn't know anyone else at work. But the longer I know her and the more intimately we have gotten to know each other, it's becoming evident that there is just no way she and I will ever be able to connect on a deeper level than just a cordial surface acquaintanceship.

How can you really become intimate friends with someone who essentially doesn't see the world or other people in it, the same way you do? I'm finding it almost impossible. The minute we go off topic from work, or pet ownership, or some other mundane generic topic, our views are so different we end up almost bickering. I don't like that.

I want friends who see things similarly to the way I do so that we can both relax and enjoy bonding over those things. Maybe that's not very altruistic of me, but at this point that doesn't bother me.

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HiFiRaver · 18-21, M

I have to share some key values with someone in order to be friends with them. We don’t have to agree on everything, but we can’t be diametrically opposed. I don’t want to constantly come into conflict or be judged because of who I am or what I believe. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that being a requirement from friends. Having to “walk on eggshells” around someone is a sign this isn’t going to work.

Ferise1 · 46-50, M

@HiFiRaver but what if they explain their reasons for their beliefs and you explain your reasons for yours? Maybe you can come to an understanding or even change your beliefs.

HiFiRaver · 18-21, M

@Ferise1 We all have reasons for our beliefs. Often those reasons are understandable. But it still might mean we're incompatible as friends. There's a certain base level of respect necessary for a friendship. But sometimes if you're fundamentally opposed to certain key aspects of a person's life, that respect isn't there and the friendship won't work. It's more about attitude sometimes. For example, I think a non-religious person and a religious person can be friends. But if they look down upon the other person for their beliefs, then they're not meeting each other at the same level. That respect isn't there if their attitude is one of condescension toward the other. They would have to share the same value that it's okay to differ on religious beliefs and they don't judge the other for having different beliefs. If they share that value, then the friendship can work.

England66 · 61-69, M

@HiFiRaver So. true !!

DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F

@HiFiRaver exactly

Ferise1 · 46-50, M

@HiFiRaver G you’re pretty smart for a 20 year-old. Like my best friend is Jewish, and he’s outraged about Hamas, he says they use human shields and try to blame Israel for killing innocent people.
My position is that Israel is invading Palestine mostly, and creating segregation there are streets where Palestinians are not allowed to walk, and Palestinians are forced into the Gaza ghetto. It’s a human rights violation. But I can’t tell him this. I just let him talk and wait till it’s finished.
We’re still best friends.

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