BnBSpringer09 · 26-30, F
@Musicman They haven't outright asked for anything yet, but there was a lot of tension in the past when I wouldn't give them something they wanted, so I'm afraid it might happen again, and especially if things get worse (like if they get kicked out of where they're currently staying). Perhaps I'm jumping the gun, but there's been history here with this sort of thing happening.
being · 36-40, F
@BnBSpringer09 you don't need to do anything. They just appear out of nowhere. Make it clear to you. You are the one you need to talk to first. Have a talk about why you are allowing this. Say everything out loud.
It's great to help others, but only if we can. If they're drawning and dragging you along that's not very helpful to yourself.
Think of yourself as being a nun. How would a nun help this person? I'm saying this because nuns and monks are great with helping and yet they don't cross their limits.
Excuse me if it's random, it's what came to my mind reading the story...
I too have been trying to help certain people in the past that only made it worse for everyone involved. They were buying extra time to continue with whatever it is they were doing afterwards.
I was hosting a homeless guy two months in my little apartment and the experience was abuse for me in the end, they carry a lot of emotional baggage and if you are not in a proper mindset to be able to handle it and not allow it, it's going to devour you... And that's why the anxiety you're feeling..
Have a talk with yourself, a real and honest talk. See, which way can you be there without it being traumatising for you ? Can you share a meal perhaps? Be there on the phone to listen? Direct them to an organisation that could possibly help them?
It's great to help others, but only if we can. If they're drawning and dragging you along that's not very helpful to yourself.
Think of yourself as being a nun. How would a nun help this person? I'm saying this because nuns and monks are great with helping and yet they don't cross their limits.
Excuse me if it's random, it's what came to my mind reading the story...
I too have been trying to help certain people in the past that only made it worse for everyone involved. They were buying extra time to continue with whatever it is they were doing afterwards.
I was hosting a homeless guy two months in my little apartment and the experience was abuse for me in the end, they carry a lot of emotional baggage and if you are not in a proper mindset to be able to handle it and not allow it, it's going to devour you... And that's why the anxiety you're feeling..
Have a talk with yourself, a real and honest talk. See, which way can you be there without it being traumatising for you ? Can you share a meal perhaps? Be there on the phone to listen? Direct them to an organisation that could possibly help them?
Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F
Who you are friends with is up to you.
You know what you can tolerate and what you can't.
If he gets mad easily and never thinks about his own choices,your listening is not a friendship,as you become his therapist a therapist he gains nothing from if he ignores and gets angry at any advice you try to give.
Friendship is a two way street.
If you do all the giving and he the receiving ...?
You can be a casual listener from time to time,if you wish, without going in deep at your end.
I would advise not wrapping up all your time and energy in it.
If that's demanded by him , then it's unreasonable and I'd cut things off.
You know what you can tolerate and what you can't.
If he gets mad easily and never thinks about his own choices,your listening is not a friendship,as you become his therapist a therapist he gains nothing from if he ignores and gets angry at any advice you try to give.
Friendship is a two way street.
If you do all the giving and he the receiving ...?
You can be a casual listener from time to time,if you wish, without going in deep at your end.
I would advise not wrapping up all your time and energy in it.
If that's demanded by him , then it's unreasonable and I'd cut things off.
bowman81 · M
Your inner self knows the answer. You were right to distance yourself the first time. Maintain the distance unless you want the chaos and drama that you know will follow your friend. You can't fix "A", but "A" can certainly harm your wellbeing. It sounds like "A" is also manipulative and wants/needs someone to help them maintain their established way of life. Don't do it unless you want to fall back into that trap.
You are not being cruel or disloyal. There is no upside for you here and you know it deep down. Listen to that part of your feelings.
You are not being cruel or disloyal. There is no upside for you here and you know it deep down. Listen to that part of your feelings.
Carazaa · F
You sound amazing! This i very difficult situation, however I think you did the right thing by answering the text and giving a listening ear. That is a kind thing to do. Maybe give some resources if your community to help him if he asks for a handout. I would encourage him to lean on God and I would pray for him.
AngelUnforgiven · 51-55, F
This is the exact reason why i choose to be a loner, i choose not to have friends because their problems tend to become my problems and i like my quiet drama free existence. We can talk on the phone, face time, text, but i dont want to or have no desire to see them in person. I can be an ear and give you advice but thats where its going to end.
tobynshorty · 51-55, F
@AngelUnforgiven I agree
bijouxbroussard · F
@AngelUnforgiven I truly understand this.
4meAndyou · F
"A" sounds as though he is a toxic friend. It might not be his fault...but he is still toxic.
The removal of toxic people from our lives is one of the first steps we have to take in our journey to becoming a healthy, happy adult.
Unfortunately, you already answered the text. Text him back a second time and tell him you will always hope things are better and safer in his life, but you have decided not to meet.
People like "A" will suck you into their vortex...and then when you can't deal with it, and they have made you feel guilty and horrible about yourself, you will feel even worse when you abandon them in order to protect yourself.
The removal of toxic people from our lives is one of the first steps we have to take in our journey to becoming a healthy, happy adult.
Unfortunately, you already answered the text. Text him back a second time and tell him you will always hope things are better and safer in his life, but you have decided not to meet.
People like "A" will suck you into their vortex...and then when you can't deal with it, and they have made you feel guilty and horrible about yourself, you will feel even worse when you abandon them in order to protect yourself.
bijouxbroussard · F
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