I don't want to let my borderline get in the way of my relationships.

The important thing is that you recognize your BPD. It's never going to go away, but you can do so much to manage it when you know how it operates.

It's going to be natural to feel these feelings because that's just how the nature of your illness is. It's not your fault, but it is an added responsibility you have to handle.

This jealousy is going to pop up from time to time, because that's how your brain is wired. But you're doing pretty well for yourself to own it like this. Your brain is hardwired to want to put the blame on someone else for emotional state, so the fact that you can so readily identify this mechanism isn't toxic at all. It's a sign that you've made a good deal of progress on your health.

That doesn't mean you're going to feel any less shitty for a while. I think these feelings are an opportunity for you to realize that the only person responsible for your happiness is you. If you want to spend time with your best friend, suggest a time to hang out or schedule something you're both interested in.

Sometimes being a friend means letting our friends make their own choices and find their own happiness in life. It's not always going to be the way we want, but our job is to love and support them for as long as we have them. What else are friends for?

Sometimes I get this too. Only cause my BFF is someone else’s BFF too but it’s the way she helps her other BFF and not me so much. For instance the other girl (who is also a friend of mine but not my BFF) lives many miles away and is married with kids. I find my BFF is always at her house (miles away!) making random home improvements and buying her things and helping out, practically adopting her kids as her own kin. I don’t particularly think any of it is necessary- the friend is married with family nearby and though they don’t have a ton of cash as a married couple, she comes from a well to do background whose mother I’m suuuuure could provide - but it’s really none of my business. There’s nothing wrong with helping but I just don’t get why so much. Except that my BFF maybe wants to be present for her friend and is looking for a reason to be around (I think the marriage is strained).

As for me, I don’t hurt for money but I sure as hell could use help in other areas - emotional support for instance, as the last 3 years have been awful for me. Often though, it seems the only time she rallies my attention is when she wants to do a project at the other girls house, which again, I don’t actually feel is needed. I’d rather spend time having lunch together. Im no Bob Villa and it doesn’t even interest me to improve someone else’s home when I have one of my own to work on.

It’s weird. I don’t get it.

@assemblingaknob really there is no reason for jealousy towards your best friend or others they associate with . people have multiple friends and your best friend treats you with the same respect as other friends

Give yourself a little credit. You're recognizing this as being a weak point and wanting to change it. I know people who are well into their 40s and still facing these same types of issues and not seeing the similar feelings they are having as a problem with them, but as a betrayal from their best friend, family member etc.