Working Out At Planet Fitness: A Guide
Please note that this is a satirical article. Do not actually engage in these workouts, especially in my presence.
1. The Horror Movie Stalker
Go to the treadmills. Find an empty treadmill directly behind a woman who is running at full speed. Get on the treadmill at a casual walk, and stare at her body the whole time.
2. The Lunk
So named because there's actually a rule against this one, but nobody ever enforces it, this workout can be performed at any machine. Set the weight level to the highest you think you can handle, and pull that cord. Make sure that you grunt every time you flex, and slam it down against the metal bar every time you let go. Bonus points if you actually break the machine.
3. The Business Meeting
Pick the most popular machine in the gym, preferably the unique one. Work out as normal. Then, instead of getting up, pick up your phone and check your messages. Continue checking your messages for at least 15 minutes. If you're feeling really sassy, make an actual phone call while you sit there.
1. The Horror Movie Stalker
Go to the treadmills. Find an empty treadmill directly behind a woman who is running at full speed. Get on the treadmill at a casual walk, and stare at her body the whole time.
2. The Lunk
So named because there's actually a rule against this one, but nobody ever enforces it, this workout can be performed at any machine. Set the weight level to the highest you think you can handle, and pull that cord. Make sure that you grunt every time you flex, and slam it down against the metal bar every time you let go. Bonus points if you actually break the machine.
3. The Business Meeting
Pick the most popular machine in the gym, preferably the unique one. Work out as normal. Then, instead of getting up, pick up your phone and check your messages. Continue checking your messages for at least 15 minutes. If you're feeling really sassy, make an actual phone call while you sit there.
51-55, M
