What are you sad about? I want to have a baby but can't find a man that's “all together in the head” ☹️

I am sad and miserable and lost and just don't know what to do anymore messed up everything with the one that I am in love with and can't stand not seeing or talking to her I think about her every day my whole life has been derailed and I am stuck and can't seem to climb up out of this rut i am going down hill fast and trying to stay away from old habits and my old life and the group that I used to run with it's hard but i am doing my best to stand strong and not give in or go back to the old life style that i once lived.