my mum is moody and stern with me at times

how can i cope with that? my mum lives far from me now and is elderly...she phones me 3x a day....and a lot of the time i just want her to mother me, but at times she has a stern and moody approach with me....i tend to talk to my mum about my worries, fears, my anxiety problems....and my mum is often understanding and motherly...but there's times she's not like that and is stern and moody with me..

i live alone now, lived alone 20 years in a little flat...so it gets me down when she's like that with me...as i just want to be understood and consolled when i'm going through it mentally.

any advice appreciated.

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4meAndyou · F Best Comment

Your Mum is a HUMAN BEING. Just as you do, she is bound to have moods...because she is HUMAN.

She is not some shining star of fairy tale mother love. Mothering is VERY hard work. Mothers have to correct and teach their children. And YOU are not a child any longer. You are a middle aged man!

Yet you still expect her to be kind and loving every moment. It must be overwhelming for her.
Ask yourself how often you give her good news? How often do you tell her that you are worried about HER? How often to you send her gifts?

SHE is facing her old age and her son will not be able to take care of her. Instead, her son ONLY worries about himself.

durinsBane1983 · 46-50, M

@4meAndyou i understood, but i do greatly care for my mother and my mother knows how much i love her, i can be self absorbed if anything which is due to my personality disorder...but what i got from your answer is that i need to be more understanding of when my mum has these times and not think about myself, but think about my mum and not be so self absorbed.. nobody's perfect, and i know i'm not, but i'm aware of my shortfalls and are working best as i can to put things right.

4meAndyou · F

@durinsBane1983 There you are! Right in one go! And thank you for best comment. Honestly, I am surprised. You display a degree of unexpected humility! Admirable!

durinsBane1983 · 46-50, M

@4meAndyou your welcome, thanks so much.

tiltawhirl · 36-40, F

When my mom is moody with me I try my best to just let it slide. I try not to say anything back to her that might bother her because I have learned that it only makes things worse. If it is bothering you I think it is okay to just let her know that it bothers you when she talks to you that way and that you will talk to her later.

swirlie · 31-35

What you and your mum have in common is a social disorder called "co-dependency".

For your mum to call you 3x a day, it will only get worse from here. Eventually those daily calls will number upwards of 20+ calls a day, one after the other, each time with nothing of relevance being said by either party.

Co-dependency means that you both suffer from a social addiction to each other which is actually your mum's fault, not yours. Parents are not suppose to covet their adult children, nor are adult children suppose to covet their parents.

The co-dependency trap your mum has lured you into for HER benefit, is causing you to remain small and ineffectual because remaining small and totally controllable is where she wants you to remain as if you were still a very small child.

I would say that most of your mental anxiety has been caused by your mum's imposition of her total dependency on you, even though it was completely unnecessary for her to do that TO you for the last 30 years.

My words offer no advice to you but they do at least bring awareness to your situation with your mum which is actually an extremely unhealthy relationship that you two have fostered between mother and son.

Ferise1 · 46-50, M

That’s something people have to deal with generally in their 20s

tiltawhirl · 36-40, F

@Ferise1 Why even say that? No advice to offer him? He has special needs. Not everyone fits in the same cookie cutter mold.

Ferise1 · 46-50, M

@tiltawhirl well he has to toughen up, there’s nothing else to do

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