I need a place to put this free from judgement and hopefully an open discussion...

So here we go...

The final months of pregnancy were the worst as my pelvic girdle pain prevented me walking very far.
I was off on maternity for 1 month before birth and I felt trapped, and isolated, eventually I started to develop cabin fever.

During breastfeeding I started to have really awful thoughts.
Never about hurting baby, just that baby was maliciously biting down to hurt me.
Breastfeeding was painful, draining and consuming.

It also robbed me of precious skin to skin bonding time because it turned out he was tongue tied.

Although I appreciate my partner helping at the most crucial time of babies care. I started to get jealous that he got spend so much of the day with baby.
Because he doesn't nap in the day I ended up doing the night shift where I would feed soothe and put baby back in his cot until he was able to sleep in there on his own.

I love my dog like it's my 1st child but caring for him and my baby has left me feeling overwhelmed.
By 8pm I don't even want to talk to my partner I just want to go and sit in a dark room on my own until I fall asleep.

Although I don't miss the single life I miss the freedom.

Navigating my relationship, friendships and parenthood has become more challenging than I thought it would be.

*Sigh*

On the plus side when my dog does pull the lead, when baby smiles, and when my partner and I get on it feels worth it.

But these days are less than the former.