I tend to excel at failing

As a parent, I've done all that I could with the thing's life has given me.

Still, my son is dead, and my daughter is so depressed that she's contemplated suicide.

Here I am, telling her how much I love her and how I'll always be here for her no matter what.
Letting her know that life is weird sometimes and it's often hard and unfair.
Insisting that there are good days ahead for her and her children.
Taking on anything I can to lessen her burdens.

But still failing miserably as a father.....

I'm not sure where or how it all went so sideways..?

I suck.

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PoetryNEmotion · F

You didn't fail as a father. Your children were/are loved very much. You did the best you could. In your deepest heart, you must know this. Death cannot be changed. You cannot take the blame for that. Your daughter is supported and loved by you now as always. It hurts, like Oogie says, when your children hurt. All these hearts...Has she seen a doctor? Has she been assessed? Can she join a support group or get in or out patient treatment? I am sure you are the best father, Rob. So stop shoving a knife into your heart.

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HikingMan · 51-55, M

@OogieBoogie To be totally honest...., yeah..., I'd rather my daughter be walking over the souls that have treaded upon her than the way it's all turned out.

She has her mother's nonconfrontational soul, and I nurtured that.
I seriously think I should have eradicated it before emboldening it.
I should have let her see how careless and thoughtless humans will be.

I hope I can get through to her and overcome my earlier ideologies,

I really did think the world was going to get better.
I thought I was helping with that.
Turns out that I could not have been more wrong,

Humanity..., it's almost completely gone from this world.
Who am I to deny that ?
Who am I to try and raise a person that feels for, or identifies with others ?
WHO AM I ?

I failed my children by shielding them from the real truth of humankind.
My wishes for the world cost both of my children considerably.

I am to blame for that.
I failed.

It's not an unchangeable position
It's not a warped perception.

It's a lifetime of living that tells me so.....

OogieBoogie · F

@HikingMan sometimes you can only do your best at the time .

I bought a child with severe autism into this world.

He has never known friends, gone to celebrations, sport , social events , love , a partner, sex, children of his own .🤷‍♀️

He will hardly know humanity at all. And be prolly housed in some group home when im gone.

I regret that i gave him this life - this torture. Nearly every human is his pain or fear .

But you cant dwell on it . Otherwise it suffocates you , and you cant be there for them when they need you.

And i try to be grateful.

At least my son has his health , and isnt wheelchair or bed ridden .

Sometimes we need to keep an eye open for the blessings we got to keep....no matter how limited .😔💜

I know its hard .

OogieBoogie · F

Do you suck?

Are you responsible for everyones happiness?

Were/are they responsible for yours?

It hurts to see the people you love in pain, and all you can do it be there.

But you arent responsible for their choices today .

At some point, even though they are always your children, you have to let them go , and be their own person.

You can have their back , help them out, support them in need ....but thier life is their own . Their life does not belong to you, is not under your control and isnt yours to fix.

We can only change ourselves. 🤷‍♀️

( this excludes if one was/is an abusive or neglective parent, and made no reparations. Which doesn't sound like you are.)

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OogieBoogie · F

@HikingMan ok.

But herein lies my point.

Both Poe and i can support you and try and lift you up ....offer a more possitive perpective ....
....but our effort has changed nothing.

Becuase only you can change you .

Only you can choose to take or leave offered advice.

Same as your daughter.
Its her choice to use or leave the help you give her.

Does your choice of not accepting our help make us a failure for trying ?.......?

Does her choice for not accepting your help make you a failure for trying ?

No.....it doesnt .

As i said , we can't change other peoples perceptions .....only they can .

Youve just illustrated my point , even with Poe and I as 2 against 1.

Not even majority rule can logically change the way you feel.
Are we useless for trying and not succeeding ?
No.

Therefore , there is no reason, rhyme, or logic that you can change the way she feels.

You are not useless for trying and not succedding.

Let me ask you a question.

If your daughter could eventually get better and find happiness, would you be proud of her for overcoming her issues ?

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SW-User

I feel a little bit like I was kneecapped and blamed when I couldn't run

Whereas nowdays children are pushed around in a wheelbarrow while the parents fret about where they've gone wrong

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