I tend to excel at failing

@PoetryNEmotion youre right .

We hurt when our children hurt .

But stabbing yourself over it is good for no one ....least yourself .

We are only our children's keeper for a short time before we let them loose to fly .

And thankyou for your lovely words.🤗💋

The best I could...., was so obviously..., Not Enough.

As to what blames I can take or should take...., I suppose God will tell me to my face just before he sends me to hell....

I wonder if real hell will be as bad a this hell ?

As to the rest..., It's too long and too personal for me to share it here on this site in any fashion.

Thanks for the supportive tones.

Peace,
Rob

@HikingMan You are always your worse critic, Rob. That never changes. We could say anything to you, but it will never help. You bash you. You cannot breathe for your children. You cannot make choices for them. They are adults. Wounding yourself does not accomplish anything. Not one damn thing. Still, that is you, and you must do what you do. Take some of the peace you offer others and place it into your heart.

@OogieBoogie You are most welcome. They are the truth. I miss the Castle of Dooooooom. Love to you, girl.

I do not expect to do anything for them,
I've always wished I could,

Your words of support and understanding are not lost on me.
I just know that I could have raised them a bit more shelled to this world and more able to shed away people as if they were so much toilet paper.

When I was younger, I failed.
I was too idealistic.
I failed to see that we were already past the point of no return.

Everyone needs to be #1
Everyone wants to control
Everyone has their lies and agendas now.....

I failed.
I should have seen this coming and forced the callous on the soul-skins of my children.

We all get one shot at life.....

Make no mistake....

I failed at mine in so many areas that mattered to me.
I doubt I'll ever forgive myself for that.

I've succeeded in other areas. But, in the parts that mattered...., I've made grave mistakes.

I'll do my best to shell my grandchildren.

May they walk the paths they themselves create.....

@OogieBoogie To be totally honest...., yeah..., I'd rather my daughter be walking over the souls that have treaded upon her than the way it's all turned out.

She has her mother's nonconfrontational soul, and I nurtured that.
I seriously think I should have eradicated it before emboldening it.
I should have let her see how careless and thoughtless humans will be.

I hope I can get through to her and overcome my earlier ideologies,

I really did think the world was going to get better.
I thought I was helping with that.
Turns out that I could not have been more wrong,

Humanity..., it's almost completely gone from this world.
Who am I to deny that ?
Who am I to try and raise a person that feels for, or identifies with others ?
WHO AM I ?

I failed my children by shielding them from the real truth of humankind.
My wishes for the world cost both of my children considerably.

I am to blame for that.
I failed.

It's not an unchangeable position
It's not a warped perception.

It's a lifetime of living that tells me so.....

@HikingMan sometimes you can only do your best at the time .

I bought a child with severe autism into this world.

He has never known friends, gone to celebrations, sport , social events , love , a partner, sex, children of his own .🤷‍♀️

He will hardly know humanity at all. And be prolly housed in some group home when im gone.

I regret that i gave him this life - this torture. Nearly every human is his pain or fear .

But you cant dwell on it . Otherwise it suffocates you , and you cant be there for them when they need you.

And i try to be grateful.

At least my son has his health , and isnt wheelchair or bed ridden .


Sometimes we need to keep an eye open for the blessings we got to keep....no matter how limited .😔💜

I know its hard .