I tend to excel at failing

As a parent, I've done all that I could with the thing's life has given me.

Still, my son is dead, and my daughter is so depressed that she's contemplated suicide.

Here I am, telling her how much I love her and how I'll always be here for her no matter what.
Letting her know that life is weird sometimes and it's often hard and unfair.
Insisting that there are good days ahead for her and her children.
Taking on anything I can to lessen her burdens.

But still failing miserably as a father.....

I'm not sure where or how it all went so sideways..?

I suck.

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

OogieBoogie · F

Do you suck?

Are you responsible for everyones happiness?

Were/are they responsible for yours?

It hurts to see the people you love in pain, and all you can do it be there.

But you arent responsible for their choices today .

At some point, even though they are always your children, you have to let them go , and be their own person.

You can have their back , help them out, support them in need ....but thier life is their own . Their life does not belong to you, is not under your control and isnt yours to fix.

We can only change ourselves. 🤷‍♀️

( this excludes if one was/is an abusive or neglective parent, and made no reparations. Which doesn't sound like you are.)

PoetryNEmotion · F

@OogieBoogie You are such a supportive person here. Don't think I don't notice! You are an honest, loving heart. Thank you.

HikingMan · 51-55, M

I often wonder if my actions or deeds or demands have driven my children to make the choices they made ?
But either way, despite my constant attempts to intervene with sound advice and timely aid...., The fact of the matter is that somewhere at some point I must have steered them wrong somehow.

As a dad..., I feel like an absolute failure.
Though I do try and remain confident in my interactions with her.
Knowing as I do that her current boyfriend is responsible for most of her depression.

I just can't get around thinking that somehow, I failed her.
That had I said or did something, somewhere, differently, she'd just be able to shoulder the thoughts and move on in fantastic fashion.

I went wrong somewhere. Of that I'm pretty sure at this point.

It's a terrible feeling.

Thank for replying. I appreciate all of your words and their intent.
Even if they don't change much inside of my perceptions.

Be well
Live happy
Die trying,
Rob

OogieBoogie · F

@HikingMan ok.

But herein lies my point.

Both Poe and i can support you and try and lift you up ....offer a more possitive perpective ....
....but our effort has changed nothing.

Becuase only you can change you .

Only you can choose to take or leave offered advice.

Same as your daughter.
Its her choice to use or leave the help you give her.

Does your choice of not accepting our help make us a failure for trying ?.......?

Does her choice for not accepting your help make you a failure for trying ?

No.....it doesnt .

As i said , we can't change other peoples perceptions .....only they can .

Youve just illustrated my point , even with Poe and I as 2 against 1.

Not even majority rule can logically change the way you feel.
Are we useless for trying and not succeeding ?
No.

Therefore , there is no reason, rhyme, or logic that you can change the way she feels.

You are not useless for trying and not succedding.

Let me ask you a question.

If your daughter could eventually get better and find happiness, would you be proud of her for overcoming her issues ?

This comment is hidden. Show Comment