Should a parent be allowed to look through their teenager's phone?

@JustLikeGreta I’m so sorry, Mrs. O’hara. 😞

@SwarmSona It's kind of part of a parent's job to make life suck as little as possible for their kid. And if they do their job right, they should be part of the solution to the suckyness, not part of the cause.

@RoboChloe Parents only job is to make sure the kid survives

Everything thing else is a bonus. Children really aren't entitled to anything beyond the law. Not everything in life is going to be enjoyable and to deny children that reality is a disservice. At the point where most parents would go through a phone the child os clearly doing something they should not be. Sure there's paranoid parents, but there's also parents who are completely hands off when they shouldn't.

@SwarmSona I think that's quite a narrow view of a parent's job. I mean, I'm the kind of person that doesn't want parents to be too involved with a kid's life because they could be terrible people, or just not suited to parenting, but even I think they should have more of a role than basic survival.

Everything you do to or for your child teaches them something, and teaching them that their privacy is conditional on a whim is a great way to send a terrible message and possibly give them chronic anxiety.

Think about this scenario: A gay 14 year old boy comes out to his best friend over text, and looks at gay memes and support sites online, as many LGBT young people do. His parents, however, are quite homophobic, and notice that their son is getting quite close to a friend of his, and are genuinely concerned that he might be gay. They start hearing rumours from other parents about what people are saying about their son, and they become concerned enough to look at his phone, and they find out that it's true, at which point they kick him out over it. In this scenario, what the parent thought was a valid reason, to any sensible person, wouldn't be, and it resulted in this kid being homeless, or at the very least treated terribly by his parents. This is the problem. Parents can't be trusted to decide when their child is "clearly doing something they should not be", because they can have warped or horrible views on what their kids should or should not be doing. Guidelines and oversight are sorely missing.

Teachers have years of training and ample oversight for engaging with kids at schools, and have to be very careful with how they deal with those kids. Parents have no oversight at all, until they do something terrible enough to get it, and often have their kids taken away. Kids shouldn't have to wait until their parents do something bad enough to be separated from them to get fair treatment. Kids deserve better. They're people too.

@RoboChloe if they're old enough to pay their own I wouldn't. Sure is tell them be careful or whatever. (lecture them)

@CallmeHopelessNotRomantic My point is, ignore the cost. Pretend it's free, and your kid's 14.

@RoboChloe no I'm not an intrusive parent but my kids aren't allowed to have certain apps or whatever. I'm not over protective, but I am protective. My 13 year old is lucky she's even allowed to have a phone. A phone is a privilege not a god given right.

@Straylight I AM a parent and I completely agree. X

@SerenitiesScars I think it's important to consider when parenting that even though you think you're right about everything you think and believe, that doesn't mean that you are, or that your child should think and believe the same things you do. They should be exposed to other beliefs and opinions and be allowed to make their own decisions. They are, after all, their own person, not just an extension of you.

Also, as it is with every generation, kids are generally more technically adept than their parents, and it's a bit naive to think that they won't be able to circumvent the protections you attempt to use rather easily.

Lol hell no! xD That's just stupid... "My kid hates me now because they were exposed to beliefs that you should hate your parents and blame them for all their problems!" xD And then people wonder why they don't get to have any good memories with their kids and their "Family" they started in life isn't even their family anymore...

Kids will LITERALLY NATURALLY be exposed to all that shit growing up on their own anyway.. It's LITERALLY INEVITABLE!! Your job as a parent is to EXPOSE THEM TO YOUR BELIEFS!! xD BECAUSE YOU'RE THEIR PARENT!! xD No one else is loving them.. Feeding them.. Taking care of them when they're sick.. xD It's bullshit to believe otherwise...

They'll have the majority of their life 18+ to make their own decisions... You have a very short period of time to GUIDE them yourself... xD Your comprehension on everything and how you evaluate it is far off from the reality of the world... xD If you don't get involved with your kids lives then you're missing your only chance.. They're not going to want to be around you all the time when they're already out there living on their own.. And then what do you do? What bond is there? xD If you go down the path you've listed then there is no bond... Just a void because all they would be able to tell people is "My parents didn't RAISE me.. I had to make my decisions on my own growing up and RAISE myself... They weren't involved in my life"

xD Sorry but I don't want to hear my kids talk that way if I ever have kids.. xD That's just bullshit..

LOL!! xD I'm not an idiot with technology... Sorry but they at most would have to go far out of their way to do anything I wouldn't be proud of them for doing.. xD The only reason why so many parents aren't good at things like that is because they couldn't give to shits to educate themselves on it and discover what's best for their kids... xD So they just buy their kids things without researching it because every other parent is buying their kids it.. xD And no one wants to see their kids left out and sad..

xD But a parent who cares, gets involved with every aspect of their kids life.. Their safety is one of those things.. Sorry but I don't think my kid needs to go on the internet to have pieces of shit send them random dick pics?? xD So they wont have internet access... They'll be raised to have an old soul and get their information through books.. xD And the better my kids are raised the better they'll be as adults.. xD And I wont feel as worried when they're ready to go out into the world and make decisions for themselves...

@SerenitiesScars Perhaps you need to stop acting like a child yourself and attempt to engage in a conversation like an adult would? Without use of caps lock, emoji, swearing, and needless mocking. Nevertheless, I will try to separate your points from your attitude, and craft a response.

Of course you can try to impart your beliefs and knowledge to your kids. Of course. But trying to limit their exposure to others is detrimental, which was my point. I think it does a disservice to a kid of you don't let them make their own choices. Personally, I have a good relationship with my parents [i]because [/i]of our differences, not in spite of them. My parents, like all parents, are flawed. And they had the wisdom to see that, and to not pretend that they had all the answers, or perfect answers. They raised me how they wanted and shielded me from bad influences as a young child, but by the time I was a teenager, they let me make my own decisions and judge influences myself, which is one of the few things I like about my parents' style of parenting.

Being a parent isn't something you do so you can mould another human into a little robot that thinks exactly what you do. Your job isn't to expose them to your beliefs, it's to keep them safe, keep them healthy, help them learn, and help them grow.

People's beliefs through their entire lives are built on the foundations of their time as a child. Saying that they have their 18+ lives to make their own decisions is like saying that a cake has all of the time in the oven to change what it is. A cake can bake for hours, but ultimately what you get out at the end is based entirely on what you put in at the start. Once the groundwork of beliefs is laid, it's incredibly difficult to change it.

Getting involved with your kids life is important and can be incredibly valuable, but that doesn't mean indoctrination and isolation.

If you, as a parent, lose any bond you had with a child the moment they move out, then you've done something seriously wrong. If you've done your job right, your kid should [i]love you[/i]. Should cherish their relationship with you. Yes, they want their space, their life, but if the relationship is good, it's not like you never see them again.

It's also important to remember that not all parents are good people, and that allowing parents unchecked power is not generally a good thing.

I know you want to think everything is about you, but unfortunately it's not. I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about parents in general. Sure, maybe you have the willpower, mental capacity, and technical knowledge to raise a child, do your job, and keep completely up to date with all of the new technology and trends when you're 50 years old, but not many people will.

If you genuinely think that not allowing your kids internet access will work, you have another thing coming. By the time any kids you or I have are 13 or 14 years old, internet access is going to be even more necessary and standard for schooling. When I was 16 (over 4 years ago), I went to a school where you had to have an internet capable laptop, and if you didn't, they would provide you with one. 20 years from now, that'll be so standard even for 10 and 11 years olds that most likely nobody will even bat an eye. And besides that, if I had a friend in school at that age who I knew was being deprived of an internet connection in that way, I would have done anything in my power to help them, and I know I'm not alone in that.

The internet is the greatest resource of information on the planet, and it is a vital part of modern life. If you're going to not let your children near it before turning 18 years old, perhaps you're right in predicting a future where the only time you get to influence them is before they can escape you.

@Montanaman Except diaries can't result in having a kids picture on a milk carton, or a memorial.

@Thehippienerd This isn't a question of ownership, it's a question of morality.

Ha.

@Itsmrsockmonkey Of course they're underage, if they're adults then it's probably a crime of some description. The whole "who pays" argument is probably one of the worst in my opinion. It just dodges the question of morality and passes it onto some notion of ownership that is entirely irrelevant. As for whether they're giving reasons to suspect, you kind of have to consider all options when thinking about this I guess.

@Wiseacre Fair enough.

@Ajz59852 Any particular reason?

@Mrsbetweenfatandfit Well that's Orwellian and terrifying.

@RoboChloe life’s pretty scary. but I’m sure if any parent who has lost their teen in a way that was later found to be discussed all over their devices. they’d go back invade that privacy in a second. But we’re in theory not talking about those cases I guess.