What counts as a "bad mother"?

In situations where loving their kids isn't a question.

One who doesn't take care of them in a healthy way. (Like the kids are often sick not deadly way it can probably be fixed with just a cleanlier environment and diet but the mother doesn't recognize it)?

One who goes to school and can't see the kids a reasonable amount of time. The school is a dream of the mothers but if she does finish school, it'd lead to a well paying job in which they could work normal hours. Though the kids are taken care of when she's not there?

One who sent one their kids to a boarding school who could better handle a disability and only saw that child 2 days out the week (the mother could've moved closer so the kid wouldn't have to be boarded up but didn't for unsaid reason)?

One who has a kid with mental, emotional, or behavioral issues that can be taken care of with therapy or medication but they don't take them for unsaid reasons (not a deadly situation)?

Calling them "bad" is arbitrary I think but that's the term I've heard used. Just wondering with situation having grey areas of what would be the ideal work/home life balance, economic background, knowledgeability of child rearing, motivations, etc.

Any other situation?

Madhatter · 31-35, M

"Good" and "bad" are subjective. People will always disagree on whether the ends justify the means. If a mother neglects her children for school to get a better paying job to support them, is she a bad mother? She's going to school to get a job to support her kids. That's good, right? Well, what about the effects of neglect in early childhood? Does taking care of them later make up for not taking care of them now? Personally, I would say no. You're either taking care of them all the time, or you're failing. "I can't do both." Then you shouldn't have had kids. "I already have them." Then you were a bad mom the moment you conceived them without being sure you would be able to take care of them. Just my view.

bigjohndl · 70-79, M

Bad Mothers make every excuse why their kids are neglected. Bottom line is, the kids come first. Not the boyfriend, not the job, not going out to party. You take care of the kids needs and work towards being a good mom, other things will fall into place.

Don't make excuses of why you cannot be a good mom to your kids.

Alyx0 · M

My mom was #4 to me, I remember begging her to take me to therapy and she told me it was selfish to ask when she has to watch 2 kids 24/7. I don't think it was abuse, maybe poor judgment. I feel like it all has to do with personality. My mom, aunt and grandma are very much alike with their parenting. My mom has said some pretty hurtful things to me over the years but I don't see it as verbal abuse because she was mad at the times when she said. I guess my answer is bias because she is my mom lol.