how can i cope with my mum not being able to get down to see me much anymore

i've lived alone 20 years in a small flat on my own, lost touch with my friends and my only support system is mainly my mother who lives an hour away by car, years back she would drive down every couple of weeks to visit and stay with me where my mum would clean, cook and we'd just enjoy each others company.

but my mum told me on the phone tonight she just can't anymore, because she's elderly /old and she takes things easy at home now....and because ive always had a close bond with my mum, i found this devastating....she told me i must get on with things myself now and do my best to help myself....i have difficult mental health problems which ive had all my adulthood...so i try to cope with that.

i have my good and bad days, but i really try my best with my mental health, to work through it...i have ok mental health support now from the mental health services.....but i just sorely miss my mum, who i was used to seeing every couple of weeks.....now i see her every year at christmas, where she drives down to visit for a couple of hours and bring me my presents.

i feel so alone really and as i said, i really miss my mother and just the thought of getting on with things alone now.

any thoughts?

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Strictsir · 26-30, M

It sounds like your mum has done alot to support you but it's taken its toll on her, and she wants you to grow up a bit and take control of your own life. Has it been a bit of a one-way street, alot of take and not alot of give? You'll always be her son, but you're not a child anymore: it sounds to me like she wants you to be a man and not to hold on indefinitely to her apron strings. There's nothing stopping you visiting her for a change, is there, even if you have to force a smile and pretend you're doing better than you really are? Your mum has the right to her own life and maybe, as she says, she's getting to that age now when she doesn't have the physical or me tal strength she once did. My advice is not to pester her, to leave her to it if that's what you think she wants, and to try to get out a bit more and forge new friendships that may lead to a relationship that fills in the gap left in your parental one. Man up, speak to mental health professionals who may be able to help you make sense of things, and try to take up new hobbies, even just walking in and appreciating nature to lift your spirits. I do understand. Best wishes and try to cheer up a bit.🙋

zonavar68 · 56-60, M

Can you visit her? I visit my mum everyday via a capsule of her cremation ashes from when she passed away in Dec 2020. My dad's final whereabouts I've never found out about. He died about 2011.

toodlepip

Your poor mother has to live the rest of her life worrying about you and what will happen to you when she is no longer here.

Wouldn't it be nice if you attempted to become a bit more independent? I'm sure she would love to see you show up at her door. ❤

Wiseacre · F

@toodlepip👍he’s not interested in changing.

Thinkerbell · 41-45, F

If your mum is getting too old to drive to visit you, are you not able to go visit her instead?

Gusman · 61-69, M

You could catch a bus and go and stay with your Mother for a few days once a month.

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