Rasing a daughter without a mother is hard

I never planned on raising my children without their mother but I have no choice now. My boy is easy most of his struggles are missing her and I have him seeing a counselor to help with that.

But my daughter the other hand that's a different story. As she gets older I know less and less about how to help her with things that she is going through. Things a girl needs to talk to her mom about. Changes she doesn't understand and I don't either. She has Grandma and Star but I know it's not the same. I hate that I can't fix this issue for her. I think I'm going to talk to her doctors about this and how try and make things easier on her.

I hate that women for doing this to my children.

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Boeing · 36-40

Your daughter has a lot more love and a loving family that many households with traditional structure lack of. So that thing there.
Then, she does have Star and Grandma, and other female role models around her I am certain...
Many girls grow up with mothers that don't necessarily inform them properly about the things they are going through. Or are instilling into them sometimes wrong, strict, strange ideas about womanhood that can fill the young ones, instead of knowledge, with shame around their womanhood.
So worry not that much. Of course, you need to get inform etc. I'm certain your willingness to be there for her is more than enough..

Cigarguy · 41-45, M

@Boeing last night was just hard, she had issues in the middle of the night and got very upset. I did my best to calm her down and make her feel better. Thank you for the kind words it means alot. We're trying our best

Boeing · 36-40

@Cigarguy sometime.. you might need to understand that your daughter as she'll be growing up, she might need some privacy. Where you won't be able to help her with whatever issue it is, but you will need to, instead of worry about her, trust her.
And instill this belief in her, how you trust her.
I know I am no parent and most probably that's easier said than done and she might still be too young for what I say here, I am not sure.. but that is definitely something that will arise. Her need for individuation, whereas "none would be able to help" her, until she goes on a quest, to find her self and to help herself..
I think you are a really good parent.

Cigarguy · 41-45, M

@Boeing that is the biggest issue it's last night she was embarrassed and upset and she didn't want help but she needed help. She just wasn't expecting things to happen last night and it did and she wasn't prepared. So we had to change her bed and her clothes. It made her very stressed out. So like I've said to a few others she's going to talk to her counselor and I'm going to make an appointment with her doctor to see if there's something we can do to make this more predictable for her. At the age of 12 it's very sporadic and hard to predict and she doesn't like that. She likes to know when exactly everything is happening and she needs that to fill safe. So not being able to tell when this is going to start right now it is really hard on her. So I don't know what we're going to do also trying to look up some information to help talk to her and learn more about what's going on but like I told another friend on here there isn't really a handbook for what I'm going through. Thank you for your kind advice

Boeing · 36-40

@Cigarguy you are talking about her period? I would say, naming things is good, I don't know your reasons for holding it back, it feels as if you are treating it as less normal than it is? Do not let her stress become yours.
okay, that is the case? This better be treated as an honor and transition in life and not as something to hide away, like they did in the past! Make her feel special in this transitioning by treating it more as a natural thing in life. It might be awkward to do so as a dad, now I understand some more.. I might have assumed too much, please excuse me if that is the case...! I know it is a sensitive subject!

Cigarguy · 41-45, M

@Boeing I'm am holding it back on here because I don't want a much of trolls or dirty minded people commenting. But no I use the the correct terminology for this one talking with her. She was the one that was stressed she was the one that woke up in tears and was mad and upset and embarrassed and needed help but didn't want to ask for help. I felt bad because I can't give her a hundred percent of the help that she needed. I helped her change her bed and get things cleaned up but that is all I could do. She is a very scheduled orientated child it's part of her OCD and right now her period is unpredictable and she doesn't know when it's going to happen and that upsets her and stresses her out. Plus it happening in the middle of night and making a big mess was very upsetting for her. She was horrified when she woke up.

Boeing · 36-40

@Cigarguy Oh yes I see, I understand there are some dirty minds around.
yes in the beginning it can be shocking... You can talk to her about how, once her cycle will slowly become regular, it will be of 28 days, exactly as many days as the moon cycle is - if you would fancy that - but I think it is a cool idea that makes children feel how their bodies share the magic of nature.

Also another thing I would personally look for, if I had a daughter, would be to get her some period panties - waterproof that she can wear without the pads, especially for younger ones, it might feel more natural transition.
Perhaps getting her some colorful sheets ? I don't know what you have already, but red blood on the white cloths is much of a contrast..
And avoid wearing light color bottoms, at least outside the house, until her period stabilizes - I mean perhaps you have thought of these things, but some practical tips for a smoother transition..
Feel free to PM me if you need to ask something at some point. All the best..:)