It's starting to bother her

Joel's ex is off tomorrow, she stopped by to give Joel the new insurance cards in case we get to his apartment first. She wants to take the kids to the museum after our oldest boy appointment and out to lunch then keep them overnight. The boys of course are excited and ready to go. Then she asked Sissy.

She said no thank you.

But it would be fun and we could watch a movie stay up late after the boys go to bed, and I could do your hair. We could make s'mores cookies, It would be a fun girl's night. Give Star the day off.

No I'd rather not go if that's okay.

Well of course sweetie that's ok.

I could tell she was hurt by her saying no. She always tells her no when she asks her.

I don't know what to do, I can't force her to spend the day with her if she doesn't want to go.

Thank you for asking me Sissy said and headed to her room.

I'm really sorry I said

Don't be sorry, I get it she just needs time. I know you guys haven't had a night alone in a long time. I'll see you tomorrow.

Joel didn't say much as we had our cigars. I can't tell if he's upset or not. Than he said it.

A night alone would be nice.

I know but if she doesn't want to go

No I get it, I'm going to bed, it's late .

So now Im torn. I really don't know what to do here.

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OlderSometimesWiser · F

You’re in a tough spot with no easy answers.

I can understand your daughter, having just gone through some major changes, wanting to stick close to you as she adjusts to her new home. She might also appreciate the quiet time while the boys are away. I can also understand her reluctance to bond with any kind of mother figure as she’s still trying to cope with the trauma caused by her own mother’s abandonment. Obviously Joel’s ex is not trying to replace her mother but I’d imagine it’s still gotta be a very sensitive issue. Risking getting close to and trusting this woman when her own mother couldn’t stay in her life and how painful that surely continues to be- it’s a lot to expect.

Maybe you and Joel could do a date night or a hotel overnight while Star stays with her. Might take some creativity but you two seem to communicate with each other very well so I’m sure something can be worked out.

Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

@OlderSometimesWiser you're right. she still struggles with the fact that her mother left her, without saying goodbye or even trying to reach out to her in two years. She still thinks it's her fault she left because of her needs.

i know it bothers her that she is close to Star but she's known Star her whole life. They grow up together. Even though Star is older she would always hang out with her, do her hair stuff like that. So she trusts her and she knows Star isn't going to leave her.

I just wasn't expecting Joel to take it like he did. I know a night out would be nice and I think we need it but if I made her go I'd worry the whole time she'd get upset or have a panic attack. I just think she needs time. But she may never trust her. Who could blame her

I do know she would be okay Staying home with Star over night. So that is a good idea. She did the night Joel was in the hospital. I think if I talked to her about she would be ok. She also needs more time. This was thrown at her very last minute and she doesn't do charges well. We're working on it but that's a big change.

I just hate that he went to bed upset.

4meAndyou · F

I wonder if Star would consent to go to Joel's ex's house with Sissy? It's just a thought...but I wonder if that could be the ice breaker? Sissy is so used to Star, and it could be a way of showing her that Joel's ex is non threatening.

Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

@4meAndyou yeah that is another idea to think about.

YoMomma ·

You could have asked her if she wanted to go instead of just saying no for her

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YoMomma ·

@Cigarguy101 oh and she said no?

Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

@YoMomma yes she didn't want to go. She told his ex no thank you

YoMomma ·

@Cigarguy101 oh ok ☺

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