I had a similar conversation with myself yesterday. I was thinking about the resentment I feel towards my ex and my desire for bad things to happen to him(he cheated on me and emotionally/ sexually abused me). I thought about the quote about anger being poison and forgiveness being more for you than the person who wronged you but I think that is an unfair stance to take that forces the victim to "get over" their trauma as opposed to allowing it to heal at the pace it requires. Suppressing your natural justified hatred is what keeps people like him the way they are. They act this way because throughout his life people have enabled his behaviour. He has never faced real consequences because real consequences are what make people change. If the government is allowed to imprison people for abuse why must you stop holding a grudge? Why does the government have a right to demand justice and consequences but YOU the actual victims of the abuse are told to forgive people who have not changed? That's bullshit! Forgiveness is not the only path to healing. Justice is the best manner in my opinion. Justice to me is a person receiving the same level of trauma their victims faced. I say same level of trauma as opposed to the same method of trauma as replicating their behaviour is self-destructive. It is not about becoming them, it's about holding them accountable.
We can either demand accountability or we can keep enabling abusers by forgiving them when they have not changed.
Forgiveness without justice is for people who can not hold those people accountable because they're dead. That's a different path to healing.
In conclusion, feel what you feel because you deserve better than bearing the consequences of an abusers behaviour! Your emotions are yours to process at your pace.
