Can anyone tell me what it’s like living with a father figure?

Hey guys, imma try not to yap too much. I never really had a father figure growing up, my parents split up after having me because my mom had found out he was cheating on her. My dad’s mistress had snitched on him to my mom. And my dad used to bring my older brother to the mistress house, while my mom was working her ass of at work, while he was supposedly babysitting my brother. When they split up on the weekends we would stay at his house and then on the weekdays we would stay with my mom. I didn’t really like going to my dads on the weekends I’d rather much have a sleepover with my friends than not really doing anything at my dad‘s house. He ended up dating this lady who he is now married to. I don’t hate it, I just don’t really believe he has changed and if he has why wasn’t it for us? Now he has a step son and a step daughter who are part of his daily life. Why couldn’t it have been me?

I don’t have a good image of men my mom’s ex was abusive and I experienced a few traumatic things when I was younger nothing towards me but what I saw really shaped how I viewed men. And now I have a boyfriend who cares for me and is trying to help me find myself and he lives with his dad, for me it’s really a new experience, for a long time I was a bit scared of his dad. Now as I have gotten older I noticed this sort of void inside me or some thing that I’m trying to fill within myself. I noticed that I search for father characteristics in my boyfriends dad and my uncle and my mom‘s friend, my friend dads abd sometimes older male uber drivers. I’m never really thought my dad( or lack of) was eating me up until I am around adult males. I don’t really know how to act around older men I’m kind of scared of them.

Now that you have my whole life story tell me what’s it like to have a father in your household who like loves and cares for you, in such a natural protectiveness, where he doesn’t have second motives what’s it like to have a father who genuinely wants to pour into your heart, who corrects you, who is an authoritative figure, a leader and most importantly a dad.

I wish I was able to cry on my dads chest, I wish he had grounded me for when I talked back to my mom. I wish he gave me advice about boys. And most importantly I wish I had been given the love that I see so many other receive.
Why not me?

I try not to be angry at my dad, but he took something of great importance to me all because he couldn’t keep it in his pants.

I’m just sad I will never get to experience that first hand, and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure my children grow up with both parental figures in their life.

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AdmiralPrune · 46-50, M

It’s difficult to convey. There are the obvious things, like quality time together and an active interest in your development ss a person.

There’s also the security that comes with the knowledge that there’s a man who will not allow any harm to come to you, who will stand by you even when you’re in the wrong, and will never turn away.

I could write paragraphs of things my Dad is brilliant at, and some character flaws he has that just makes him a more special person in my eyes.

I’m sorry to hear this wasn’t something you experienced, but I’m sure you can live it when you are yourself one day a parent. I certainly work hard to do for my kids what my Dad did for me.

BridgeOvertroubledWaters · 61-69, M

My father died when I was nearly 4. He was only 43.
I grew up without a father , my mother having to take it all on her shoulders , of which she did a very good job despite the many difficulties.
My brother is 13 years older than I am so in certain ways he provided a big brother/father figure. We are 60 years older now and we stay in touch and are very good friends.
I had a few uncles who were very influential in my growing up , one who is now 91 and is in a home with dementia but I still visit at least once a week.
I often wonder if I would have been a better father to my own children if I would have grown up with a father (I try and think I'm ok).

mazedona · 22-25, F

@BridgeOvertroubledWaters
It seems that most people grow up without a father. I had one and I still do; he's very good and always took care of me like a princess. My uncles didn't have children either, so they would bring me Blu-rays of TV series. That's good, but it made me more spoiled and capricious. Honestly, I have no complaints about my childhood with my parents; I was always extremely happy. They would take me to villas and buy me everything I wanted, any console, any new fashion I could think of. I never saw anything wrong. I believe it's important to always grow under a leadership style I respect single mothers, but I also respect united parents. For me, the bond between those parents is vital, just as I grew up seeing them as great. Adopted children or children without a father generally grow up with deficiencies They tend to end up in d addiction, and although factors such as Levels socioeconomics, growing up in marginalized, unstructured neighborhoods, or growing up witnessing violence also play a role, this can contribute to their downf.

CrazyChick21 · 46-50, F

A strong dependable dad, well that's an awesome thing. My dad doesn't have a lot of warmth and patience but he is incredibly loyal. If there's a problem my dad is the one who will give you the best advice and help you sort it. I grew up feeling my dad was some sort of hero I suppose. Even in an argument with another kid I think I resorted to the classic "my dad's bigger than your dad" He's a make do and mend kind of man. He can pretty much fix anything with the right tools and he taught me a lot of practical skills growing up. Things like fixing a puncture on my bike or changing a fuse on a plug. Discipline wise he was a force to be reconned with. My mum would often say, "wait till your father gets home" and I still have a bit of healthy fear about what he might say over certain things. He's just turned 80 and it's a bit scary seeing him get older, now I'm aware he's starting to get frail and he won't be around forever. He's still very much the safety net he always was.

Soupnoodles · 26-30, F

@CrazyChick21 That is very beautiful! Thank you.

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