I Am Divorced

One Year... June 12, 2012, one year since everything was legally final.
In some ways it was over much sooner than that, and yet in many ways it is still not over. I am not sure if it ever will be.
There are many different angles to the divorce question but in the end you have to weigh the lesser of the evils.
'Two is better than one' comes to mind. Does that still apply if the two fail to work together, to the point where they actually undermine one another? How much can two people together accomplish when they are jealous? or when they undermine each other? When it becomes a competition? When they intentionally hurt each other?
Is 1.24 better than 2 people at odds?
The question is, do I love this person enough to sacrifice myself?
Another, am i doing it all by myself anyways?
Trying to do it alone with 2 people is a struggle.
Can I live with myself afterwards...
can i ever forgive myself?
To the therapist Wednesday.
:)

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LivingDavid

Everyone should be so smart to have a therapist. (Of course, it's expensive without insurance.) One grieving "technique" (economical-therapy) that worked for me... I watched many GOOD romantic stories on channels like PixL or UP (use to be GMC). Wholesome romances which showed how marriage SHOULD BE... I shed buckets of tears and let myself accept and grieve the FACT that my former marriage was not healthy. I later read about this method in a book, as a mean of expediting grief. Try it? I don't have children, so I had many hours alone. Sobs and tears of this sort can get noisy as the hurt from DEEP WITHIN is released! God bless you sister-friend.

ijustneed2talk · 51-55, F

i have a decent health plan but even better is the behavioral health benefit portion of it. I left my ex husband, I believe it was the right thing to do. It's funny though how, now that it's all on me to decide for myself, I can sort of put myself in his shoes and it at least gives me some perspective on why he did and said some of the things he did.
i do have to say, i'm a little cynical when it comes to the classic romantic movie. Movies in general are a difficult thing for me. (that and grocery shopping, i don't know why). It's getting better.
I do know what you mean about seeing what a healthy marriage should be like and realize that wasn't what i had. I can't understand people who can fall in love after a divorce so quickly. i'm too afraid of making another poor choice.
thanks for your nice comments. :)

jackdaniels1967

I have come to understand since my divorce that people do change, sometimes they change together...and sometimes they change and go down different paths. I have gone back and forth with myself so many times on this same subject......remember....you knew something was wrong long ago....
Staying together for the wrong reasons is so much worse than separating for the right ones.....in the end.....everyone ends up happier and better off....
Including all family members involved.
WIshin you all the best......giving you all my strength

ambroseguy80

This is one reason I am still in my troubled marriage. I ask these kinds of questions and it always seems to come up "stay for now". Time will tell and I wish you luck in your future! :-)

ijustneed2talk · 51-55, F

you just have to see if it's more than you can take and decide carefully. It's better to stay especially when the circumstances are not so clear cut. I mean some things you just can't forget and it takes it's toll when you stay and it poisons the whole relationship. It's hard when your spouse needs you so much too and cannot do it on their own due to resources, illness, etc. It makes you feel like you left them when they needed you the most and you look like a jerk. or feel like one anyways

ambroseguy80

Totally get that!!! I come home from work and have to pick up all the chores she dropped during the day. It gets tiresome. You are so right about the poison, and the lack of resources (funds) is a killer....

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