Anxious
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I’m gonna start audio recording my dads tantrums in the house

I’m starting to get a hunch that he may be a narcissist.

I’m not a psychologist so I don’t wanna say for sure but my father has multiple characteristics of a narcissist.

The way he talks to us, he just got done telling my sister that she doesn’t want her “hogging” the kitchen. She hasn’t. She was cooking for a little over an hour but it’s because she was cooking some real tasty chicken tenders.

My dad just doesn’t like that my sister had her boyfriend over. And no, it’s not a protective dad thing. She’s 24 years old and he’s 23. He would’ve thrown a temper tantrum if I had brought over a friend. He just doesn’t like it when he can’t be his narcissistic self around these people.

Yesterday, someone thought it was a good idea to play a game of Monopoly with my dad. My dad, my sister, my sisters boyfriend and my little brother were playing. Not even 5 minutes into the game and my dad is already starting to get offended over the fact that my little brother landed on one of my sisters boyfriend’s space on the board, causing my little brother to pay him a few hundred Monopoly dollars.

He started talking about how her boyfriend was screwing over my little brother. He then started lecturing my little brother on how the way he plays that game could translate to how he’ll lose money in real life if he’s not careful. He started raising his voice and making that ugly frown that seems to show up on his face every few seconds. At this point I think his face is starting to get stuck like that. Everyone was having fun except him, at least until he started giving everyone dirty looks and ranting.

I notice he acts very different around people who aren’t part of my immediate family. He won’t bark as much. He’ll put on an act like he’s nice to us.

He often makes a scene in public places over the pettiest of reasons. If some customer service employee makes an honest mistake on something he ordered, he’ll start making that ugly face and start berating them and cussing them out. It’s super embarrassing.

Back in the day, when I was in little leagues football, he used to do the same from the sidelines. He’d scream and yell at me about how I should’ve done this or that on that play. I remember sometimes he used to say, “I’m sorry that I can’t stay for the game, I gotta take care of some work things”. Anytime he said this I’d pretend to be sad but I was really cheering inside. He’d also always say: “You’re making me look bad out there!” It was always about how I damaged his image.

I just recorded my first audio recording tonight. I intend to create a collection of these and have a psychologist examine them to get their professional opinion.
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Lol….. and if the psychologist says he’s a narcissist then what? Sounds like a lot of energy that could be spent elsewhere.
HermannFegelein · 26-30, M
@OlderSometimesWiser pushing record on my cellphone really isn’t all that much work
@HermannFegelein There’s also psychic energy, which you seem to be using a lot of, for what exactly?
HermannFegelein · 26-30, M
@OlderSometimesWiser To better understand my father. It kinda sucks that I can’t have a healthy relationship with him. I’m considering going no-contact with him. I have slept out of the house on the streets just to avoid him in the past.
@HermannFegelein Will making recordings and slapping a label on him change the dynamics of your relationship? Sounds like you already have a pretty good handle on who he is and can proceed accordingly. Do you live with him? If so, that would be a good starting point to make a change.
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@OlderSometimesWiser @HermannFegelein The main reason anyone would want to identify if they are dealing with a narcissist is that then it doesn't become anymore that it 'was your fault'...for all those years. That you were 'bad' and unworthy. ... etc. a parent who is narcissist can twist your mind to believe anything horrible... I'm not saying his dad is def. a narcissist. But my mom is, and I'm reading this book called , 'It's Not You.' by a psychologist specializing in narcissism. She said she wrote it to let people know HOW a narcissist treats you, and how all the gaslighting and twisting lies is not You. My mom made me believe EVERY single thing, every LITTLE thing, day in and day out, was my fault, and that i was tainted. It was HELL. I have not shown any psychologist anything but I absolutely know she is narcisssist . Little things in the book are like little moments of gaining some form of self esteem for me. Like Oh wow my mom also takes a tantrum about any minor thing, or RAGES about it too. Or threatens you. It's helping me piece things together more and more, rather than alwyas still second guessing myself over certain things.
HermannFegelein · 26-30, M
@OlderSometimesWiser It won’t change him. People can only change themselves. It will allow me to get an outsiders perspective. All I know is my point of view. I could be wrong, but what I do know is that he’s extremely toxic. I’m already saving money to leave.

I don’t believe he’s completely heartless. He just doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions, particularly his anger.

He doesn’t want to confront his toxic behavior.

I’ve had money saved in the past to leave but I’ve been manipulated into thinking I couldn’t make it out there. That was back then, now I’m more determined than ever to just take that leap. I just gotta wait a few more months.

My father needs healing but I can’t and won’t continue to be his emotional and physical punching bag.

He’s dialed it down with the physical stuff now that I’m older but in the past he used to kick me, shake me like a rag doll, throw me, yank my ear really hard, smack me in the face, push me.

My oldest brother and my mom got it the worst.
@HermannFegelein I’m very sorry for all you’ve experienced. But glad that knowing he’s extremely toxic is providing the motivation you need to make those important changes of standing up for yourself, becoming independent and moving out on your own. I wish you all the best moving forward.
HermannFegelein · 26-30, M
@OlderSometimesWiser thanks. I may even try to find other survivors of this type of abuse to roommate with once I get my own place.