I Admire My Mother

My relationship with my mother was... complicated to say the least.
The thing is, my mother had Paranoid Schizophrenia. It took a toll on every aspect in her life. Young me used to hate her for it. I used to tell myself,write in my diary, why is my mom this way?
I looked at my other friends' mothers and wished she was like them. I used to envy every one of them.
But I was too stupid to realise how much she truly loved me. I only realised it after she passed away.
I realised that she was the only one who supported me in my decisions. She was the only shoulder I looked to cry one when I was upset. She was the only one who encouraged me and motivated me. Despite all the fights we got in, every time I didn't understand her, every time her Schizophrenia acted up, she loved me like hell.

I love you, mom. Please forgive me for all the hard times I gave you as a child 💙

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AngelKrish · 26-30, M

Awww...I know your mom still looking at you... because she loves you alot...
"I realised that she was the only one who supported me in my decisions. She was the only shoulder I looked to cry one when I was upset. She was the only one who encouraged me and motivated me."
These lines shows how your mom loved you...so you should not feel upset now. Because it will upset your mother soul too...
Be strong and motivated and respect your mother love!
Well mothers are amazing ...they keep baby in Womb for 9 months...were their body don't accept changes..but she bear that for us.
Secondly she feeds us ,share her oxygen supply with baby ,gives us antibodies for our protection etc by placenta
what we give in return, baby gives body waste, carbondioxide ,kicks etc
And one of biggest pain in world is giving birth to baby...her tissue tears..her blood losses,she cries,screams loud with pain that everyone can hear her and bear all that pain so we can breath and see this beautiful world from our eyes.
Mom never leaves her child but child leaves her ...still she loves her child till infinity..
I salute all mothers..😇

argav83 · 36-40, M

you were young and sometimes its just too much to understand and deal with. It's really good and admirable that you have self realization for that now and you can learn from your past experience and do a lot of good and may be even help others who go through same sort of problems. You need to deal with your guilt that it wont affect your life in any negative way. Take care of yourself and love yourself like your mother would have.

LucyLove · 26-30, F

@argav83 Thank you :) I'd be lying if I said I don't feel guilty about the way that I treated her. But then again, I really didn't know anything about her illness.

argav83 · 36-40, M

@LucyLove Having guilt is normal after we lose someone very close. But u gotta move forward. Pain just makes us think about the wrong we did regardless of the reasons that it was never intentional and fact is we all make mistakes. I don't know about it but what you said above shows how much you loved her and still love her. You made some mistakes but it's okay. Be positive and though sometimes you need to deal with these memories all alone which is understandable, talk to your friends or whomever you feel comfortable sharing your life with to lessen the burden. It's healthy to take help when needed. Take care.

CrystalSparkles

This is very beautiful but please don't be too hard on yuorself, you made mistakes in your youth just as anyone does! But! the best thing is, you realize your errors and you are trying everyday to make them right/ I am SO PROUD of YOU! Everyone you meet is gifted by your loving presence 🤗😘😊

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CrystalSparkles

@LucyLove Babe, its true, I met you only yesterday but I see your heart because you see others hearts and that's all you focus on. If you could, you are the sort of person who could go back and right every wrong in your life whether to others or yourself. There are not many beautiful souls like yours<3

LucyLove · 26-30, F

@CrystalSparkles and youre so beautiful too and im so happy and grateful to have met you!!! BIG HUGS AND KISSES 😍💖

CrystalSparkles

@LucyLove 😘😘🤗🤗 me too sweetheart! 😊

Groofydorkgerdo · 56-60, M

My condolences for your loss,LucyLove.
Your mother loved you, and she sis her best to raise you, which is more than can be said about many mothers today, without Paranoia Schizophrenia.
And you were young; doing and feeling the same way any one of us did about our mothers.
We have all had harsh words, harsh feelings towards our parents, sonif your guilty, then were guilty, or at least me...

SheMoansDouglasCx · 26-30, M

How'd I get here? Anyways.. Yeah my mom is an alcoholic and abusive to me in all aspects but I know she's hurting and is just lost in this world, sometimes I wish she'd get better but she won't.. I know in my heart I forgive her for all the anger and unwanted emotions she causes me

LucyLove · 26-30, F

@SheMoansDouglasCx Damn that must be hard :( If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here

Bluesky53 · 61-69, M

you're normal,mother and daughter relations are that way,my mom and sis are that way,mom has health issues too,

FilthyBeast · M

Such a complicated and difficult disease for not only the individual afflicted but their lives ones as well. I am sorry you have lost your mom. And I am sorry she had to experience that devastating and so misunderstood disease.

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