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My dad is very close to passing

It's been two weeks since he entered hospice today. This is all mind boggling. Only one month ago he had a diagnosis of aggressive Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I thought, ok, he can get chemo and get better like many. Within two days, I'd learn how wrong I was.
They said chemo will kill a compromised body with cancer and they highly don't recommend it. And with this B cell lymphoma, it's so rapid that chemo would only have given him a month more .

I cried on my way out visiting him tonight. He could very well pass overnight. I made sure I held his hand, gave him a warm hug, and told him I love him. I truly don't want him to pass, but watching him suffer is too much.
I will not understand how this much anguish can happen to some. I never even thought about if or when I'd lose my dad. The last month of his life was in the hospital being prodded around the clock with EKG, CAT scans and endless blood work. His breathing is so filled with phlegm and congestion and that's the toughest part to hear.
But they say the morphine does help in breathing too.
Dad, if you can hold on just to tomorrow it would be wonderful. And if not it's ok. And I'm with you wherever you go or are. Thank you for being my dad, and as you call me, your Pal. 🩷
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My heart hurts reading this. I’m so sorry you’re walking through something this heavy. Watching someone you love suffer is unbearable, and there’s no way to make sense of it. I’m glad he has you holding his hand and telling him you love him , that matters more than anything. It’s okay to want him to stay and also not want him in pain anymore. Both are real. I’m thinking of you and your dad tonight. You don’t have to carry this alone. 💔
Baybreeze · 41-45, F
@VersesAndBruises I felt so helpless Bec we couldn't help or save him. But I'm glad I had the chance to still hold his hand several times in the last two weeks, and to talk to him. He was coherent and could talk up until yesterday. Thank you for your compassion 🫂
@Baybreeze That helpless feeling is so real… wanting to fix it or save them and knowing you can’t is one of the hardest parts. But holding his hand, talking to him, being there , it is helping. That’s love, and it matters more than anything. I’m so glad you had those moments with him while he was still able to talk. Those memories will stay with you. I’m holding you close in my thoughts.