Hope dad doesn't pass yet

I wanted to say, even though I'm not religious, "don't be frightened" to him today, but never got the chance. We talked of a few other light things, but he could only stay awake a couple minutes out of a five hour period. (Aggressive cancer) I don't want to say goodbye today. He's in hospice and I hope he makes it even a few more days.

This is truly painstaking. But I really hope he can make it a few more days. His wheezing (pneumonia) was elevated tonight and no one came in to give more meds for it. They said they would in the morning when I asked a nursing home nurse. But what good is that overnight??

I want /hope to tell him one more time he'll always still be here, that he's not truly leaving 😢

Mamapolo2016 · F

Honey, these are terrible times for the living. I’ve sat now at six bedsides such as this, and I can only share my impressions. I am convinced they know before we do that their next steps will be to cross the bridge. While it’s a cold wave of disbelief to us, they know. They seem withdrawn because they are facing what comes next, and we’re not going with them.

I won’t pretend I know what comes next, but it’s different from here.

All anyone can provide at this point is comfort, often just by being there, touch, and, I think personally, permission to leave. The assurance those they leave behind will be okay.

My heart goes out to you because it is so hard. Try to remember they have been fighting hard and they are weary. They just want to rest.

ElwoodBlues · M

@Coralmist Reading @Mamapolo2016's comment set off a chain of memories for me. We lost my mom to a nasty cancer in 2016. I think @Mamapolo2016's point about permission to leave is an important one. Thank your dad for how much of a force for good he's been in your life. Thank him for setting you up to be OK into the future. Thank him for how the goodness he taught you will live on; his legacy is secure. Thank him for preparing your mom in advance that he's dying.

I know these are weird weird things to thank him for. It's a way to talk frankly about end of life issues without putting any sort of pressure on him. It's passing the message to him that you'll be OK when he chooses to let go.

As @Mamapolo2016 points out, your dad has begun letting go of this life. This means you need to begin letting go of this version of him even as his memory lives on in you and others. This has been hard for me to type. I still have a deep well of grief for my mom, dad, and other's I've lost; I don't think that well ever goes away. I also have a wonderful life and spend 99.9% of my time enjoying it. I hope you'll be able to say the same.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@ElwoodBlues Sorry about your mom...many sympathies 🌹 I have not begun thanking him because it feels final and I don't want him to think of the end. He did say he was nervous when asked a week ago. But today I'm going to say it. Whether it sounds final or not, I want him to know I appreciate the times I could talk to him. Ty for sharing 🌼