I despise cancer
I know I've written several posts about my dad and his new diagnosis of aggressive Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma. But I have to vent again, I apologize.
Cancer is a mean, selfish asshole. He's been given several weeks to a couple months to live. It's so aggressive it doesn't respond to chemo, and if it did in a rare chance, we'd get possibly one month more with him. And that one month he'd feel even more sick from the treatment.
It's simply heartbreaking going in to see him, and each day a new symptom arises, like puffy arms from edema, and deep purple bruised up his leg. He was not always good to me, and I resented him many years for denying and doing nothing about the horrible abuse I experienced for so long. (From my mom).
But I've been putting it aside in my mind, seeing his skin turn slightly paler. I'm helpless. I'm remembering days we could occasionally share a joke and when we went to the beach years ago. I didn't know what to talk about today, but we watched The Green Mile. He can still talk ok, but occasionally is foggy. I am dreading in future weeks that he will get so fatigued or possibly not coherent.
I wanted every minute today to last a decade. I love my dad and I am really struggling accepting this horrible shitty disease. But I'm visiting even more often so every minute will be special to me, and worth a years time😢
Cancer is a mean, selfish asshole. He's been given several weeks to a couple months to live. It's so aggressive it doesn't respond to chemo, and if it did in a rare chance, we'd get possibly one month more with him. And that one month he'd feel even more sick from the treatment.
It's simply heartbreaking going in to see him, and each day a new symptom arises, like puffy arms from edema, and deep purple bruised up his leg. He was not always good to me, and I resented him many years for denying and doing nothing about the horrible abuse I experienced for so long. (From my mom).
But I've been putting it aside in my mind, seeing his skin turn slightly paler. I'm helpless. I'm remembering days we could occasionally share a joke and when we went to the beach years ago. I didn't know what to talk about today, but we watched The Green Mile. He can still talk ok, but occasionally is foggy. I am dreading in future weeks that he will get so fatigued or possibly not coherent.
I wanted every minute today to last a decade. I love my dad and I am really struggling accepting this horrible shitty disease. But I'm visiting even more often so every minute will be special to me, and worth a years time😢
