Upset
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Unpopular opinion? Am I wrong?

I should not feel obligated to care for my parents - physically, emotionally, and financially.

My parents are now both in their early to mid 60s, and both are in (what I would consider) poor health. Both of my parents have been smoking for nearly 50 years now. My father was diagnosed with COPD nearly 10 years ago (if not longer), and refuses to quit smoking. He also has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and anxiety/depression. He will take the medications that he’s prescribed, but he will not make any lifestyle changes and refuses further testing suggested by his doctors because he “doesn’t want to know if he’s dying”. I’m sure my mother has COPD too. She’s out of breath just from walking short distances, almost constantly has a cough, and also refuses to quit smoking. She’s severely underweight. I’m talking like 85 pounds max.

Neither of them is nor ever has been financially stable. My dad used to own a painting business, and did very well for himself, but then he hit a very obvious mid-life crisis and all of that went down the drain. My mom doesn’t even live paycheck to paycheck - constantly asking for money for either myself or my sister.

I really do try to be supportive of my parents, but it’s extremely hard when neither of them does anything to help themselves. I suggest quitting smoking, eating healthier, exercising, seeing the doctor regularly. They never do it. My mom won’t stop enabling my brother who’s nearly 30 and she still takes care of and financially drains her.

It’s exhausting to have your own shit and then to be guilted into caring for someone else, especially when they don’t seem to give a damn about themselves or their children watching their parent deteriorate.

Alright, rant over. It’s been a rough morning.
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AdmiralPrune · 41-45, M
Considering these people have cared for you since you were born, you absolutely are obligated to care for them.

It’s not for you to judge them, just to be there for them through what comes next.

Healthy people get ill and die all the time, it’s not for you to apportion blame. How much of your personality would you shed for a few extra years?

Stop finding excuses to dodge or delegate the difficulties that come next. Be there for the people you owe so much.