My Aunt passed away and I have mixed emotions
This is long, I don't expect anyone to read it in full, just need to get it out.
My Aunt passed away. She was found in a homeless pod, they think she died on Monday but her body wasn't found until today. My Aunt had a long history of drug abuse and she was in and out of prison many times. She's lived on the streets for a long time now. She abandoned all her children due to her addictions and her last child she signed her rights away because he was born addicted and with fetal alcohol syndrome. My Mother and her siblings were all wards of the state and grew up in Foster care. They all had abusive and traumatic childhoods. I only say this because there were many reasons she was the way she was and that was one of the reasons. Some of my earliest memories are walking in on my Aunt and Uncle doing drugs in the living room. She had a terrible temper and would yank me and my cousin by our ponytails when she'd fly into one of her rages. She would leave my cousin and I for days at a time alone to watch my three younger cousins. We often were left with little to no food and no diapers. My cousin and I are very close, I would go as far as saying she's one of my best friends in the world. She cut her mom out of her life years ago after trying for so many years to help her and get nothing but abuse back. She's very devasted by her mother's passing and she feels guilty for cutting her out of her life. I want to be there for her and I've let her know that I am here for her, for whatever she needs even if that's just me sitting with her right now. I've sent her flowers that should arrive tomorrow, but I know that won't really help anything right now. My emotions are conflicted because I am very angry at my Aunt for ther terrible things she did to my cousins. For abandoning her children and forcing my cousin to have to grow up too fast and be Mom to her siblings. On the other hand I know she was very sick person. She was sick in her addiction and she never got well. She lived a very hard and miserable life and I am sad that she never found peace or sobriety. I do have a few good memories of her. I do feel sad that my cousins never got to have a Mother and I am sad that she never got to have those relationships too because of addiction.
My Aunt passed away. She was found in a homeless pod, they think she died on Monday but her body wasn't found until today. My Aunt had a long history of drug abuse and she was in and out of prison many times. She's lived on the streets for a long time now. She abandoned all her children due to her addictions and her last child she signed her rights away because he was born addicted and with fetal alcohol syndrome. My Mother and her siblings were all wards of the state and grew up in Foster care. They all had abusive and traumatic childhoods. I only say this because there were many reasons she was the way she was and that was one of the reasons. Some of my earliest memories are walking in on my Aunt and Uncle doing drugs in the living room. She had a terrible temper and would yank me and my cousin by our ponytails when she'd fly into one of her rages. She would leave my cousin and I for days at a time alone to watch my three younger cousins. We often were left with little to no food and no diapers. My cousin and I are very close, I would go as far as saying she's one of my best friends in the world. She cut her mom out of her life years ago after trying for so many years to help her and get nothing but abuse back. She's very devasted by her mother's passing and she feels guilty for cutting her out of her life. I want to be there for her and I've let her know that I am here for her, for whatever she needs even if that's just me sitting with her right now. I've sent her flowers that should arrive tomorrow, but I know that won't really help anything right now. My emotions are conflicted because I am very angry at my Aunt for ther terrible things she did to my cousins. For abandoning her children and forcing my cousin to have to grow up too fast and be Mom to her siblings. On the other hand I know she was very sick person. She was sick in her addiction and she never got well. She lived a very hard and miserable life and I am sad that she never found peace or sobriety. I do have a few good memories of her. I do feel sad that my cousins never got to have a Mother and I am sad that she never got to have those relationships too because of addiction.
46-50, F
