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I told my mom my dad was cheating on her

They’ve been married for 35 or something years. I am so disappointed because I was suspecting my dad was doing something behind our backs back in December. A few days ago, I went through his deleted messages and found messages to a woman who isnt my mom. He says they’re just messages but according to the messages (which he’d delete every few days entirely), he would fill up her car with gas and pick up her daughter from school.

I confronted him about this that night and threatened to never speak to him again. I warned him that if he ever spoke to her again even if that lady or her daughter were at risk of some preventable death, I’d tell my mother.

Today I found messages to a mechanic where it mentioned that he was fixing a ford focus. In the messages to the woman, he was so concerned about the safety of her car and he was babying her with kind words that you would a girlfriend.

Anyway,

I was able to see that he has been in contact with this woman by looking at his TMobile call and text log which go back almost two years. I don’t know what to do but I am starting to regret telling my mom about this because she is such a hardworking and loving wife and mother. She can be very tough and critical of my dad who doesn’t clean up after herself, but she really didn’t deserve this.

I’ve told my siblings and we’ve taken my dad’s cards and phone away. We told him to leave and be with his lover since he chose her over his wife.

I regret telling my mom because she is in so much pain and our family has fallen apart. I really don’t believe my mom will forgive him and we all thought he was such a great dad but this is an unbelievable betrayal.
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It is never nice to see a loved one in pain, but standing back and watching them be betrayed is just not any kind of honest position. Most of us would rather hurt than be oblivious to being cheated on. We want our security to be built on real and solid foundations, we don't want to be living a lie that is not of our choosing. You did the right thing, the moral thing. Your father should have done this himself, especially when he first became aware that his secret was exposed. He left you no reasonable choice.
Elessar · 26-30, M
I think you still did the right thing even if it hurts; the alternative being suppressing the information, and living with a façade that only you knew about, and the regret of not disclosing it before if/when she'd have found herself. It would've destroyed your (/perception of) your family as well, just in a different way
Very painful situation, I’m so sorry. Hope you, your mom and your siblings can pull together to begin the healing process.

On the other hand, I’d say you’d have a bright future as a private detective.
dale74 · M
Well I don't condone the cheating but you shattered your mother's world. What's your dad is done is totally wrong but you're hurting your mother more than him. Most psychiatrist and marriage counselors say that the cheating should be something that the cheater has to live with by telling the one who's cheated on you have shattered their world the cheater already knew he was cheating or she in other cases. You don't know what led to this you don't know for a fact that your mother has never cheated.
Adogslife · 61-69, M
If your father is having an affair, there’s likely a reason. I’m sure your mother knew to some degree if he was unhappy enough to hide his actions.

You don’t belong in his phone. It’s their problem to solve. Now you’ve destroyed whatever was a family (or admittedly wasn’t) out of your own selfishness. That’s if the above is true.

But it’s not. No man alive is giving up his phone and credit cards to a child. That just didn’t happen. What likely happened is that you like lying and drama. I don’t know you from Adam, but that’d be my guess.
RedBaron · M
35 or something years? How do you not know the date your own parents got married?

And I believe you overstepped by taking these steps with him, especially without telling your mother.

She is married to him, so it’s her relationship and marriage, not yours. It’s up to her and not you to decide how to deal with him and this situation.
ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M
@RedBaron Hopefully she is now out of the will.
@ChipmunkErnie 70-79 years old, huh? I can imagine you’ve done a number to others. Surely those putting up with you are only in it for the will.
RedBaron · M
@VomitingWords Seriously, what are you so angry about that you need to take shots at people you don’t even know?
MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M
You did the right thing, you can't be blamed for that and I'm proud of you.
You don't see the kids having so much power over the father. I'm not sure how you don't tell mom. Or else you're being complicit in your father's deceit. Which isn't fair to you really.
being · 36-40, F
You deserve an explanation...let him speak for himself. Give him some time and let's see..
NOS4R2 · 41-45
Its one thing to find out, its another thing to tell your mom, its a completely different kettle of fish to step in and take control of other people's relationships.
And now youve destroyed your family.
Fantastic 🙄
JamesBugman · 56-60, T
I wonder if that daughter is your half sister.
ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M
@JamesBugman I wonder if that dad is her genetic father.
ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M
He is better off without you, for sure.
Penny · 46-50, F
you shouldnt have been going through his phone
Allelse · 36-40, M
Bet that made his day for him.
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