I'm pathetic.
I sometimes feel jealous of my younger sister and wish I wasn’t the firstborn.
I was an accident kid, my parents had me when they were still teens. To earn money, my parents decided to bring me to the province where my grandma is so they could work in the city. My first memory of my mother is when I was 7 years old. My mom visited the province after my 1st-grade moving-up ceremony, and I was brought to the city. In the city, we lived a little better. It’s nowhere near middle class, but it was manageable. My mom stopped working and started doing small businesses.
The time we started doing much better was when my father decided to work abroad. By that time, I was already 12 years old. It started rough because my father couldn’t send money due to payments and debt. The time he started sending money properly was at least when I was 15 years old. At that time, we had some extra money to buy stuff. I thought I could finally get things like toys and other stuff, but it hit me when my mom said I was already too old for that.
Looking back now, I sometimes feel jealous when I see my sister getting spoiled because I didn’t experience any of that. What hurts more is seeing my sister being showered with affection from my parents. Remembering my childhood, I wouldn’t say I wasn’t loved, but I felt like I was treated as a burden or an accident. I don’t even remember my father acting like that towards me. I barely remember anything other than him coming home from work once a week.
I’m in a pathetic state of mind thinking about all of this. I just want to get it off my head.
I was an accident kid, my parents had me when they were still teens. To earn money, my parents decided to bring me to the province where my grandma is so they could work in the city. My first memory of my mother is when I was 7 years old. My mom visited the province after my 1st-grade moving-up ceremony, and I was brought to the city. In the city, we lived a little better. It’s nowhere near middle class, but it was manageable. My mom stopped working and started doing small businesses.
The time we started doing much better was when my father decided to work abroad. By that time, I was already 12 years old. It started rough because my father couldn’t send money due to payments and debt. The time he started sending money properly was at least when I was 15 years old. At that time, we had some extra money to buy stuff. I thought I could finally get things like toys and other stuff, but it hit me when my mom said I was already too old for that.
Looking back now, I sometimes feel jealous when I see my sister getting spoiled because I didn’t experience any of that. What hurts more is seeing my sister being showered with affection from my parents. Remembering my childhood, I wouldn’t say I wasn’t loved, but I felt like I was treated as a burden or an accident. I don’t even remember my father acting like that towards me. I barely remember anything other than him coming home from work once a week.
I’m in a pathetic state of mind thinking about all of this. I just want to get it off my head.
22-25, M
