A conversation with my niece, who rarely shares anything "deep"… One of her good friends is...

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

Life is strange and this is one of the many phenomenons I struggle with.
Being a different or mixed race doesn't stop you from being a decent human.
So the segregation that can come seems unjust.
In modern times where there are more mixed races I would have thought it would create a community of its own. But does me making a statement like that make me racist.
It's something I have had to sit with.
And I hope it doesn't but then it's almost assuming that because a person is mixed they will have had similar experiences to another mixed person.

Growing up I was a full black person that never felt like I fit in with other black people except my extended family. But in the wider community I experienced more positive but equally conflicting questions regarding my identity.

I feel like I can relate to your niece but if we sat down and really unpacked things I know we'd conclude it was different.

I hope that she gets to a point in life where she can accept herself and those that accept her for exactly who she is, and disregard those that make life uncomfortable.

We are unique but that's what makes every single one of us special. 💕

Rutterman · 46-50, M

You handled the conversation with sensitivity and kindness and showed wisdom in your responses. I can see why she decided to confide in you.

DrWatson · 70-79, M

I have typed and deleted a few different absolutely brilliant responses, all of which end up sounding like hot air to me since I do not know this friend.

I wonder if it would be helpful, after tempers cool, for the two of them to have a conversation about, "what is your definition of the word racist?"

Zaphod42 · 51-55, M

I can’t say I have a personal understanding, but I do have some understanding through my GF who is mixed race. In America it’s not been any big deal as far as I know, but growing up half black in the Philippines was hard for her. Constantly mocked and picked on for her hair and skin tone has left deep phycological scars on her from her childhood.

I think your nieces friend is completely in the wrong. Until you’ve made the attempt to walk in someone else’s shoes, you can’t judge their personal choices. Choosing to spare your child from the hardship you’ve endured isn’t racist, it’s good parenting.

fun4us2b · M

It seems like her friend is open to having a biracial child and took offence that your niece is against it.

There's a misunderstanding in that your niece probably never conveyed her experience to her friend OR her friend is not hearing it.....could be either.

So they should talk a little....since they have very different POVs...

And yes - I'll take whatever Grandbaby that would be coming my way too 😂

DeWayfarer · 61-69, M

Some, like with her friend, is likely having problems the difference between racism and personal preferences.

There is a difference. It's like being attracted to only slim people. Yet saying your being discriminating against overweight people. This is likely the friends point of view. Not your niece.

The friend just doesn't understand the difference. So when it comes to your niece about the consequences, there's a total misunderstanding.

Consequences are not preferences, which are not discrimination. Three different things.

Selah ·

This reminds me of a Mariah Carey song, "Outside". Some people don't cope well with the social repercussions of racism.

SwampFlower · 31-35, F

Thank you for sharing this. 🤗

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

I can understand your niece's position, but I can also see how the friend, as you suggested, could see it is a personal rejection. I think that feeling of rejection is likely (if it is that at all) kinda knee-jerk and not well thought out though. Upon reflection and maybe with further discussion she would see it is not that at all. You handled this so well. 🫂

Ontheroad · M

I can't imagine... well, I can, but to have to live it. When are we going to evolve?

REMsleep · 41-45, F

Alot of people get upset if others state out loud that they want to date within their own race.
I think because many white people have been conditioned by the media and modern politics that saying things like this is racist because of the legacy of white supremacy.
So to get as far away from White Supremacy the world ( in the USA) has decided that to say something like this is racist, but your niece nor most people especially any minorities that want to marry or date or procreate within their race are not deciding this from a place of supremacy.
For someone like your niece's friend who is very close friends with someone of a different race it would be awesome if she would have been able to understand but it's hard sometimes to see things from the perspective of others.
Your niece didn't say anything wrong nor unusual. Her friend will come around maybe. It's ok to want a child that looks like you or shares your ethnicity.
It's your choice and doesn't mean that you think less of others.

Quimliqer · 70-79, MVIP

She’s how old?

iamonfire696 · 41-45, F

Thank you for sharing this. Too bad what her friend fails to realize is that your Niece has lived through this experience and knows it is harder.