A conversation with my niece, who rarely shares anything "deep"…

One of her good friends is upset with her. The friend asked my niece if she thought she might ever decide to have a child through IVF (my niece is gay). My niece thought about it, and replied, "Maybe. I’m not sure about the "mechanics" but the father would have to be black. Being biracial is hard, even now !" My niece is multiracial, but I didn’t know she found it particularly difficult. Her friend, who’s white, told her that it was "a racist attitude to hold", and went home.

My niece asked me, "why would that upset her ?"
"Is she interested in you ?" I asked.
"No ! I mean, I don’t think so," my niece replied. "She’s always been straight, as far as I know. But she doesn’t know what it can be like to be mixed race."

"I didn’t realize you’d had a really difficult time,” I said.

"Around the family, no," she replied. "But out and around other people things can get weird, not fitting in anywhere. It’s less an issue now that I’m an adult, but growing up it was hard. Mom said you guys went through that too."

"Maybe she saw it as a personal rejection on some level," I told her. "If she’s a good friend, you’ll get another chance to talk and maybe explain further.
Of course, your mother wouldn’t care how you gave her a grandchild ! Or by whom.”

"Yeah, I’m not gettting her hopes up, though." She smiled.

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Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

Life is strange and this is one of the many phenomenons I struggle with.
Being a different or mixed race doesn't stop you from being a decent human.
So the segregation that can come seems unjust.
In modern times where there are more mixed races I would have thought it would create a community of its own. But does me making a statement like that make me racist.
It's something I have had to sit with.
And I hope it doesn't but then it's almost assuming that because a person is mixed they will have had similar experiences to another mixed person.

Growing up I was a full black person that never felt like I fit in with other black people except my extended family. But in the wider community I experienced more positive but equally conflicting questions regarding my identity.

I feel like I can relate to your niece but if we sat down and really unpacked things I know we'd conclude it was different.

I hope that she gets to a point in life where she can accept herself and those that accept her for exactly who she is, and disregard those that make life uncomfortable.

We are unique but that's what makes every single one of us special. 💕