Am I wrong for wanting to move away from my parents? I am 34 years old and live with my...

iamnikki · 31-35, F

Am I wrong for wanting to move away from my parents

Typically, children do leave the nest once of age or financially stable.

I've been helping them out financially

If you are able to help financially, then I'm guessing you're able to hire someone to help them out around the house.

I think it's nice when multiple generations cohabitate, but if it's not working then it's not working.

FrogManSometimesLooksBothWays · M

It's completely understandable that you're feeling the desire to move away from your parents' home and establish your independence. At 34 years old, you are an adult with your own needs, desires, and aspirations. Here are some points to consider:

Independence and Personal Space: It's natural to want privacy and autonomy as an adult. Living with parents who hover over you and monitor your every move can be stifling and prevent you from fully embracing your independence.

Family Dynamics: It's commendable that you've been supporting your parents financially and assisting them with various tasks, but it's important for them to recognize and respect your boundaries as an adult. It's not unreasonable for you to expect to be treated as such.

Career and Life Choices: Your career and lifestyle choices should be yours to make, not dictated by your parents' expectations or societal pressures. Pursuing a career that aligns with your interests and values, even if it's not one of the professions your parents prefer, is crucial for your own fulfillment and happiness.

Relationships: Your ability to maintain personal relationships, such as with your girlfriend, can be hindered by the lack of privacy and autonomy in your current living situation. Moving out and establishing your own space can allow you to nurture these relationships and live more freely.

Support System: It's encouraging that your aunt supports your decision to move away from your parents. Surrounding yourself with people who understand and respect your choices can provide valuable support as you navigate this transition.

Ultimately, moving away from your parents' home is a significant step toward living life on your own terms and pursuing your own goals and aspirations. It's important to communicate openly and honestly with your parents about your decision and reassure them that your love and appreciation for them remain unchanged. Remember that prioritizing your own well-being and happiness is not selfish—it's essential for your personal growth and fulfillment.

in10RjFox · M

Your parents have enslaved you and will use you for lifetime because you are a free worker. You should move out and work on your future rather than being a slave for their future which is in its last phase.

As long as you are around them they will keep governing you with rumours and make you feel useless and that you can't live without them.

You are just a notepad for them to scribble and doodle. So don't let yourself be one any longer. And start snubbing them and cut short their conversation by doing something else.

You can put them in place by shouting. But it may not be worth it. Even when you are away don't let them govern you through phones.

Ynotisay · M

I'm sure there's a dynamic there that's been built up over years. But since you asked, and not to be disrespectful to your parents but dude. You gotta' go. Like ten or fifteen years ago. They did their job and raised you to adulthood. Now you need to go put that to practice. What I might suggest is maybe looking for a place relatively close where you can stop by occasionally to help with some stuff they might need around the house that they can't do themselves. If they really can't do it themselves. But then you leave. Because they're not acting in your best interest. You've got one shot at life bro. Gotta' go live it. For sure. Good luck.

Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M

No reason why you can't do what you do for them with your own independence.
Nobody's that blind they don't realise you need your own space !

ElwoodBlues · M

At your age you deserve a life of your own, and under the circumstances, the only way for you to live your own life is to move out. You've done far more than your duty; don't be guilt-tripped into staying longer.

Here's another thought: when you move out, set up a weekly rotation of visits by you and your siblings. That makes 3 visits per week to help out with shopping, lifting, etc., and the effort shared more or less equally.

Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F

Of course not as you are way past the age of being on your own.
You can still help your parents out without living with them.
You may have to cut off the gravy train a bit, because it costs quite a bit for your own place, groceries ,etc...
You are probably lucky your girlfriend puts up with all that some wouldn't.

fun4us2b · M

Yes, and you should not feel guilty...

easterniowegin · 51-55, M

Move out but stay close by if you want to be able to make frequent check-ins.
Be prepared to hear guilt-trip comments from them right away also. They have developed a codependency and need some space.

twistedrope · 26-30, M

They sound abusive and controlling. Ditch.

Ain't no hope for abusive controlling people.

CrazyMusicLover · 31-35

I think you would immensely benefit from it and this situation isn't rare. I had a friend who came back home in his thirties because after his parents retired, they started having conflicts with each other and he was afraid they might do something to each other, so he was a buffer zone for a while. But when he decided to go away again, they tried to make him stay. But you can't grow in such conditions and have the right for your own life.

Adrift · 61-69, F

Yeah, Id say if you want any type of privacy or life of your own, its time.

Confined · 56-60, M

Move out ASAP.

YourMomsSecretCrush · M

sounds toxic

nonsensiclesnail · F

um, so move out and on. live a life and be there for them when they actually need you, not when you are a convenience so they don't have to try harder.

Gingerbreadspice · F

My parents live next door to me, in the same house. I’m older than you. I have my life and they have theirs.

This comment is hidden. Show Comment

Busybee333 · 31-35, F

Similar, I think I am too attached. I can't imagine being away...

Nitedoc · 51-55, M

I'm glad you are helping them. I'm sure they are too.

This comment is hidden. Show Comment

Fluffybull · F

Ffs move out!

bijouxbroussard · F

No, you’re not wrong for wanting to live independently. You only stayed for the most loving of reasons. In many cultures, adult children live with their parents until they marry.

deathfairy ·

sounds draining, u should move on..

iamonfire696 · 41-45, F

You need to move out

swirlie · 31-35, F

The only thing you have in common with your parents is an extremely bad case of co-dependency.

If you parents suddenly died on you, I would bet $100 right now that you'd be dead within 24 months of them both passing.