My husband thinks that autism is an excuse for attention.

Married 3 years to a good guy but he thinks I spoil my son when I visit him 1 or 2 times a week. I teach him to cook, bake, do laundry and wash up in his appartment. What am i doing wrong? My husband is not my son's father (he died). How can someone not understand that i love my son and want to help him be self sufficient. I'm not a psychiatrist so i can't help him in that area. But i can love and support and encourage my son. I don't understand how this nice person doesn't get it.

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reflectingmonkey · 51-55, M

I understand both perspective and neither one is morally superior. its a toxic tendency we have sometimes to want to position ourselves on the moral high ground but really it creates conflict. it is possible to have diverging view and still understand each other. the first step is to wonder, really try, to understand why HE thinks the way he does. usually, and I really suspect that its the case here, both believe in different actions because each have different inteprestation of the situation and of what is needed. he thinks the boys need to learn to rely on himself and overcome the limitations inherant to his condition. you think its ok to give extra help considering his condition. both come from a loving perspective, both want what is best for the boy. its a facinating question and arguments can be made for both sides, its depends a lot on the specific situation.