Feeling guilty and shitty 😒

I have a really confusing/bad/whatever(?) relationship with my mother. I moved across the country years ago, to go to college but mostly to get away from my family.

Over the years, my mum and I would talk periodically, but now that I'm not giving her money anymore, and we have very different political views, she doesn't contact me, and I don't contact her.

But I am still her daughter and I feel a responsibility to speak with her and care about her, as I know she still did her best to raise me in bad circumstances.

I haven't seen her in over ten years, so it's easy for me to forget about her. Sad as it is to say... Heartless as it seems. And when I do remember her, I just think about having to listen to her political rants and anger (she often ends up making me quite upset, she's very homophobic and intolerant and on and on). She doesn't really listen to what I say and doesn't respect my opinions, she brushes off anything I might relay to her about my own struggles (I stopped bothering to tell her).

Anyway, her birthday is coming up and I am feeling like I should contact her. Maybe I should send a card instead of a phone call? I don't know?

Am I a bad person?

tenente · 36-40, M

rant follows. stop reading now:

1. not bad person. 2. take credit for keeping the lines of comm open to a toxic person. 3. you didn't choose to be born. 4. you didn't choose your parents. 5. this 'mother' isn't qualified to be a parent. 6. the 'mother' should be grateful you spend a second of your time on them. 7. you can live a happy and productive life without them - you owe nothing to them. 8. it's not your job or your duty to make them better and not your fault that they are unfit parents. last, you're forgiven - now forgive yourself → go fwd and lead a happy productive life with people who deserve to be with you, who do care about you, who do respect you and make your life richer and better.