Caught my 15 year old son wearing my thong

I’m a mom of 3 boys. One is 15, and the other 2 are 12 (they are twins). Saturday my oldest son had his door shut but not all the way. He had his music loud so I went to ask him to turn it down. When I went to open it I could see him through the small opening since it wasn’t fully shut and he was wearing one of my pink thongs!! I immediately walked away so shocked, and completely lost on how to handle the situation or if I should even do anything hoping it was a one time/phase thing. So today while he was out with his dad I snooped through his room which I normally never would do, but I considered the situation making it ok for me to invade his privacy. Under his bed in a shoe box I ended up finding 3 pairs of my thongs which I’m assuming he is wearing since I saw him wearing the pink one. I want to try to handle this without my husband knowing because he would flip out. Advice please!! Thanks.. concerned mom of a teen boy.

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Iwantyourhotwife · 22-25

Why wouldn't you and your husband sit down and talk with him? There is a reason he's stealing your clothes and wearing them. And what an odd cloth to take such a particular interest in.

I am suspicious of all the responses pushing you to just blindly ignore or support this and not use any capacity to reason, share, talk, or teach your son anything as a parent, or even remotely think contrary to or challenge such interests or behaviors from your own son. The whole point of parents is for advice and protection. He should be closer to you than anyone else. He should receive other perspectives and a healthy pushback against his ideas so that he can learn to balance. And perhaps he can learn from you and your husband.

So I'd say you should talk with your husband and consider breaking past this cultural or social or whatever barrier of just acting like your child can do anything uncritically and without confrontation, even to the point of just taking your undergarments like this. I dunno what disempowered parents to talk to and help guide their children and one of the healthiest things I had growing up was pushback against my stupid ideas and emotional behaviors. It helps with regulation and maturity to think about what and why we do things for and to reason against other perspectives. We don't wanna live under/in a rock. Especially during teen years when humans are hormonally unstable and often confused at what and how they're feeling. I think this is a wonderful time to communicate with him as parents. Like, who else do you want raising your kids? 🤷🏾‍♂️

Majorsite · 61-69, M

@Iwantyourhotwife Your reading way too much into a relatively harmless act !

Iwantyourhotwife · 22-25

@Majorsite perhaps you're right. But what if I'm not?

Majorsite · 61-69, M

@Iwantyourhotwife It's kind of a phase I think, Most guys try it once in awhile.

Iwantyourhotwife · 22-25

@Majorsite I see what you're saying. However, I am thinking more so about a few things:

1. Stealing from your mother, especially intimate clothing like this
2. Being able to talk your child as a parent
3. Concealing concerning things like this from your husband
4. Your child being able to talk to the parent about thoughts and feelings

The whole concept of family revolves around trust and openness with one another. It revolves around advising and kindness. It revolves around respect and care.

Does it appear I'm still looking too deep into things? Or perhaps there is simply a difference in terms of perspective about what family means.

Majorsite · 61-69, M

@Iwantyourhotwife It has nothing to do with family really, Just a young man exploring interesting sexual feelings, That's all.

Iwantyourhotwife · 22-25

@Majorsite I see. I guess to me, family does have something to do with this, as I think parents should have some input on this.

Also, a quite related question if you're willing to engage. What does exploring these sexual feelings mean? At that age, what thoughts about those feelings are being shaped, exactly?

Majorsite · 61-69, M

@Iwantyourhotwife Well, As a young man, In the woods near Our house We found magazines left by gay men, Pretty graphic, We were intrigued by them, But they never turned Me gay !

Jessmari · 46-50

@Iwantyourhotwife She indicated that the husband would not handle this situation very well. I'm just trying to help her avoid an unnecessary overblown family argument.