This single parenting is so hard , how can someone manage

Iv been taking care of my 3 month old by myself he gets so fussy I have , no help no daycare nothing, I barely have time to eat, he wakes up and I don’t get time to eat if I do cook , I usually order out if I get some cash and stuff my food down my throat.. I barely sleep and my health is diminishing, I don’t know what to do , I can’t give up but some day most days I let go and I can’t even clean my house , my mind can’t think , I have no one to even talk to but my phone..I didn’t think this would be bad ,I try to be patient but I can get angry people say go to sleep with the baby but he barely stays asleep for long, he’s so gassy at times he’s up and I’m so exhausted even if I napped sometime I can’t do this , I don’t see the upside of this getting better and I don’t wanna go back to my ex whose abusive but I feel I might get desperate