I just am. Why? It isn’t making me feel any better

My neighbor told me some very blunt advice about people not liking me. I explained that this really cool girl that most people love hanging out with, she is funny, feisty, witty and very kind hearted. I mean this girl is fearless and seemed very cool to hang out with but the problem is, she looks uncomfortable when she’s around me. When I come in and some people say hey, she says NOTHING. She’ll move to the next room. She talks to my two best friends but she ignores me. When I tried to talk about my trip to the others (hopefully that girl will be interested in hearing it) she just walked out of the room on her phone. Whenever I come in, she leaves the room, when I talk, she seems very annoyed or ignores me.” I tried. It always fails so I gave up for a while. I asked my elderly neighbor and she said, “Okay I’m going to stop you right there. Stop trying to get this girl to like you. Stop trying to get her to do what she doesn’t want to do. That’s beings passive aggressive and you gotta stop that! This is important to know. To put it bluntly, not everyone is going to like you. Even though you didn’t do anything, there will be that someone that will be annoyed by you and will have opinions about you. You can’t make her like you so stop it. Young people have to realize and understand that not everyone is going to like you!!”
Her words offended me. I was like, “You know, you’re not really making me feel better. You’re making me feel worse.”
She laughed and said, “Who said I was? Heh, I wasn’t trying to make you feel better! I’m telling you all this because it’s the facts. You’re going to feel uncomfortable once in a while so you have to learn to accept that. Life isn’t about sunshine and rainbows. Get out of lala land.”
She sounds so rude sometimes. I don’t ask her for advice because she’s too blunt sometimes and points out stuff.

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Casheyane · F

I don't think she meant ill. Life is as she said. But the young me can relate to you.

When I was little, I lived in my own bubble too, believed in the goodness in people, that I can get them to like me, maybe, if I try. But the reality is the world is out to take advantage of you. It will devour you alive if you remain as you are.

That's why you got to be strong. Not everyone is your friend, not even those who tell you they are. You've got to learn to see the truth about yourself and about people. You can be awesome in your own way. They too can be awesome in their own way. It doesn't mean you'll click. And that is perfectly okay.

It isn't your job to change their opinions of you. Live the way you want to achieve the goals you set for you. That's it. As for them, leave them in the audience. They can set their eyes on you or not. Bottom line is, you define you. You don't have to let how they behave or what they think of you affect who you are.

Roadsterrider · 56-60, M

Sound advice, good advice isn't always what we want to hear. Your neighbor is right, there will be people who just don't like you for no reason, they may just have an over inflated opinion of themselves or they may have their own issues that prevent them from becoming friends with others. Be the best friend you can be to your friends and let everyone else go their own way. Don't empower them enough to hurt your feelings.

AutismGirl18 · 18-21, F

@Roadsterrider Well I guess so. She didn’t make me feel any better. Why do elder people always have to make us feel worse than we do.

Roadsterrider · 56-60, M

@AutismGirl18 I guess because they don't want us to go through the same things they had to go through, maybe to make something easier to understand so younger people don't get hurt so bad. Or, they could just be mean old pricks that like to watch younger people squirm. I know when I tell my kids things like this or that they shouldn't rely on credit cards or get the least amount of coverage on their car insurance, it isn't because I just want them to be miserable or to spend more money than they need to, it is because those things have bitten me on the ass and it is better to make sure they can't. The good thing about advice, unsolicited or unwanted, is that you are free to ignore it. The real truth is that you are the only person you have to be happy with, nobody else's opinion of you should keep you awake at night.

hartfire

If you are on the Spectrum, as your username suggests, then things like this may be confusing and hard to understand.
Unfortunately, your elderly neighbour is correct in everything she says, and she is just being factual.

Not everybody likes everybody else. We are all partial to liking particular people of our own choice. This is true of all humans everywhere in the world, and it's also true for animals.

We cannot force other people to feel things, and we don't have the moral or ethical right to try to force them. Any kind of trying to get people to do things against their will is aggressive.
People [i][b]always[/b][/i] have the right to say no.

AutismGirl18 · 18-21, F

@hartfire She didn’t have to sound so rude and blunt. This girl is so cool!! It’s hard for me to cheer for her because she always ignores me and walks away when I come in. I didn’t do ANYTHING. I complained about it to my friends and they said to get over myself and my neighbor has a point. My guy friend said, “The more she dislikes you, the more you want her to like you. It doesn’t work that way. Just leave her alone!”
My best girl friend said, “I asked her for you and she said she doesn’t know she just doesn’t like you and frankly is very uncomfortable when she’s around you. Plus you intimidated her and it’s so hard for her to be around you because you’re intimidating. Harsh, but I gotta give her props for being straightforward.”
Wow.......that was very harsh. 😭

hartfire

@AutismGirl18 When someone behaves in a rude and blunt way, it is usually because their polite and mild reactions have not been heeded.
It would be sensible to regard her behaviour as a warning; if you keep pushing she will eventually snap in extreme anger or rage.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

She's right about not working too hard at getting people to like you. I found that out a couple of years ago when I moved into a whole new area and tried to make friends. Trying too hard can make some people feel they're under too much pressure.

AutismGirl18 · 18-21, F

@greenmountaingal Life is so unfairness 😭

english · 56-60, M

i do believe she could done a better job of explaining it to you. but life isnt always fair thats true , you cant please everyone also true, you can usually read the signs if someone has decided your not there cup of tea ,dont take it to heart it has happened to all of us at one point in lives .🙃

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