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Going through a major life lesson and need your thoughts.

It's 3:52 AM and I just woke and saw that jessica called and left a voice mail. Should I ignore it? I had my ringer off. I do not want to deal with her stuff. Shes a 32 year old alcoholic that is the daughter of a friend that died of cancer. She just got out of detox again. Last time she did this she was in the ER and it ended up.with letting her stay here a couple days while i was out of town. She snuck in vodka. By the time i got back and her into a detox she had a bac of 2.63 and had made a mess of the house.

So this time I used the bathroom. Going to try to go back to sleep. This is hard to ignor what I'm sure it is an existential crisis call for help but she needs to go through it without me interfering. Right? I need to talk to pastor Tania I think. There is no parable about what to do in these cases. How does one be a good friend, neighbor, or parent by doing nothing? By ignoring them and their suffering? We give aid to Africa but they keep having kids that suffer so should we stop there too?
I have a close friend that lives overseas that cannot get a job that pays enough to feed his mother and sister so they may need to become a prostitute?
We are supposed to help till it hurts, but when does helping hurt them more than you? What if helping someone else hurts others around you? Like i could marry the friend overseas but that would devestate my gf here. This is a major life lesson. I know there are boundaries but this is tough stuff to live with.

If you are a ship at sea and get a mayday you are required to aid them, but if you are in a crowded lifeboat toy have to beat off the others still in the water.
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whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M
Using your metaphor, a drowning person will drown a rescuer to survive in their panic. Do you have the reslience to deal with that and survive yourself??😷
Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M
@whowasthatmaskedman it alk comes down to resources. If you have a big enough boat then yes,you can do it. When i was working and had an income i had more than enough so i could help. Now, as for Jessica, helping an addict vs. Enabling them is a different story. Putting my friends younger sisters through school and paying for their moms cataract surgery was life changing. There were many other things i did for them over the years but i also encouraged them to be self sufficient.
whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M
@Tastyfrzz OK. A couple of points. Addiction is something I have experience of in the family and some training with. You dont "help" addicts in the classic sense. You enable them.. Or, you support them in there attempts to escape addiction. There is little middle ground. In most cases an addict who asks for help will be asking for help to continue being addicted. Not facing the bigger reality of the need to get clean. Addiction hijacks the mind..
If they can find a way to continue, inclusing using others, They will..😷
Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M
@whowasthatmaskedman That's what I've observed so theraputic ghosting seems to be appropriate.
whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M
@Tastyfrzz In my situation I had to go with the "Full and frank exchange" as to why I could help in some ways but not how they asked. But I couldnt withdraw from them being that close. (I might add that when rock bottom was hit, we were all there to cheer them on and they are now recovered, and know they will never be cured) But if you can withdraw easily without deep personal loss. I would...😷