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Those of you who once dated someone toxic, what were the red flags?

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1) Pressure to become too serious too fast.

2) Controlling behavior, lacking trust in you and respect for you. Gets upset if you are five minutes late, wants to know where you are and who you’re with at all times or insists on knowing your phone password before you’re ready to share it.

3) You don’t feel like you can be fully yourself. As a relationship progresses, you should feel more comfortable with your partner and share more of yourself. It’s a red flag if you either don’t feel increasingly safe to share your experiences, interests, thoughts, and feelings or you feel judged or criticized when you do and begin to hide or suffocate parts of yourself that your partner disapproves of.

4) Difficulty sharing feelings. Sharing our feelings is the root of intimacy. If either one or both of you are unable to identify and appropriately express your feelings, communication and intimacy will always be challenging.

4) You’re [i]conceding[/i] rather than compromising or finding solutions that work equally well for both.

5) Inability to resolve conflicts. You have recurring arguments that are never resolved, your partner refuses to discuss certain issues or acknowledge your concerns.

6) Your friends and family members have expressed concerns about your partner or relationship. Certainly, other people’s opinions of your choice of partner aren’t the end all be all. However, sometimes they notice red flags that you yourself can’t see. It’s worth considering their opinions, especially if multiple people who you respect have expressed concern.

7) Giving up your friends, interests, or goals. A relationship should add depth and joy to your life; it should make you feel more alive – more yourself. It shouldn’t diminish who you are and what’s important to you. And while it’s normal to spend a lot of time with a new partner at the beginning stage of a relationship (and consequently less time with friends or family), it’s a red flag if you feel like your partner would be angry, jealous, or critical if you spent time with your friends and family. Giving up things that were once important is another red flag.

8) You have evidence that your partner lies or deceives you about things. Lies may be outright, or distortions, exaggerations, minimisations or omissions - deliberately creating false impressions. Stealing, manipulating.

9) Abuse of any kind (emotional, verbal, physical, sexual, financial, gaslighting).

10) You have increased symptoms of mental or physical ill health. Symptoms of stress, depression, and anxiety show up in your body, thoughts and feelings. Consider whether new or worsening health problems, increasing feelings of anger, resentment, fear, and stress may be related to your relationship.