A lifetime of nightmares
As far back as I can remember, the demons were present in my dreams. Of course I didn't have a name for them back then, didn't know what a demon was. Instead I just recognized a malicious, cruel presence in certain dreams I had. In *most* dreams I had when I was a child actually. It was rare they did not make themselves known.
The demonic dreams were far different than any regular dream. They felt REAL. There was no difference in vividness and sensation from waking life to these dreams. In addition, my regular dreams typically had some type of narrative or message to them. A regular non demonic nightmare tended to focus on stresses and fears I had in my life. They could also typically be resolved with a happy ending. A demonic nightmare in contrast seemed to serve no purpose other than to terrify, provoke or upset me. It would be completely unrelated to my life and in fact could even hold content I had not even been exposed to in every day life, such as excessive gore when I was a very young child. In addition demonic nightmares felt very....personal. There was a force that wanted to cause me harm in them that was not present in my typical nightmares.
Anyhow that said. From ages 5-7 the demons relished in creating vivid scenes of torture of my loved ones for me to witness. They would be butchered brutally, often slowly in front of me. The demons would set up some impossible challenge for me to complete or convince me that I could have saved them in some other way so that not only was I horrified by witnessing my loved ones suffering but I felt great guilt that somehow it was my fault.
By age 8 I had become numb to their suffering. I no longer tried to save my loved ones in dreams because I was hopeless. I knew I could do nothing. So I chose to look the other way. I was very rebellious towards the malevolent force, claiming I didn't care, that it didn't scare me. So from then on they decided to force me to fight.
They would set up dreams where I would be faced with some opponent, generally far stronger than me, and would be instructed to fight and what I needed to do. Go for the eyes, they'd tell me. I'll never forget the feeling of disgust and horror the first time I had to plunge my little hands into my opponents' eyes to tear them out. I generally lost more fights than I won, unsurprisingly, often ending in my death, or even rape. Most of the time I tried to run away, but I was typically punished terribly for doing so. I still remember them laughing at me in one such dream saying "you can hide but you can't run". In addition to the fighting, I would often be trapped in dreams until they decided to let me go, I could wake up over and over into dream after dream. In addition in my dreams time could span over the course of many years. Extremely disorienting to wake up from.
When I was 12 I finally developed lucid dreaming abilities and due to this was able to fight well. I gained confidence. However from this age forward various groups in dreams would capture me and hold me in labs, performing experiments on me, some cruel and some just tedious. As I got stronger they began to use blackmail to keep me in line, often threatening or holding captive friends or family, which as much as I claimed to be numb to, was still upsetting. The thing I generally hated most about the labs wasn't even really the experiments (most places just had boring tests I had to do) but rather being held captive against my will.
By 15 I experienced an explosion in my lucid abilities to where I was basically all powerful. The human groups in my dreams had no way of containing me by this point. At this point strange entities began appearing to me. Some just wanted to fight. Some caught me and put me on display like a zoo animal or wanted me as some type of pet. Some of them wanted to force me to marry them. I would eventually refer to these entities as djinn and learned it was best to steer clear of them.
From ages 17 to 18 I actually lost my lucid dreaming abilities entirely. I was tortured very badly by the demons then, and sexual abuse was included now and often heavily prevalent.
Age 19 I slowly started to regain my abilities and lucidity.
Now I am 27 and and back at full power. It's gotten to the point where even the demons can no longer do anything to me dreams. They prefer now to target me in hypnogogic/hypnopompic states during which I am paralyzed, not in my right mind, and basically entirely incapable of defending myself. I have yet to figure out how to overcome this.
I have lived an entirely different life in my dreams. I sleep as much as I am awake. It is often difficult to discern one reality as being more or less real than another. I've never met another person who had dream experiences like mine.
Anyhow that's all I guess. Just felt like rambling.
The demonic dreams were far different than any regular dream. They felt REAL. There was no difference in vividness and sensation from waking life to these dreams. In addition, my regular dreams typically had some type of narrative or message to them. A regular non demonic nightmare tended to focus on stresses and fears I had in my life. They could also typically be resolved with a happy ending. A demonic nightmare in contrast seemed to serve no purpose other than to terrify, provoke or upset me. It would be completely unrelated to my life and in fact could even hold content I had not even been exposed to in every day life, such as excessive gore when I was a very young child. In addition demonic nightmares felt very....personal. There was a force that wanted to cause me harm in them that was not present in my typical nightmares.
Anyhow that said. From ages 5-7 the demons relished in creating vivid scenes of torture of my loved ones for me to witness. They would be butchered brutally, often slowly in front of me. The demons would set up some impossible challenge for me to complete or convince me that I could have saved them in some other way so that not only was I horrified by witnessing my loved ones suffering but I felt great guilt that somehow it was my fault.
By age 8 I had become numb to their suffering. I no longer tried to save my loved ones in dreams because I was hopeless. I knew I could do nothing. So I chose to look the other way. I was very rebellious towards the malevolent force, claiming I didn't care, that it didn't scare me. So from then on they decided to force me to fight.
They would set up dreams where I would be faced with some opponent, generally far stronger than me, and would be instructed to fight and what I needed to do. Go for the eyes, they'd tell me. I'll never forget the feeling of disgust and horror the first time I had to plunge my little hands into my opponents' eyes to tear them out. I generally lost more fights than I won, unsurprisingly, often ending in my death, or even rape. Most of the time I tried to run away, but I was typically punished terribly for doing so. I still remember them laughing at me in one such dream saying "you can hide but you can't run". In addition to the fighting, I would often be trapped in dreams until they decided to let me go, I could wake up over and over into dream after dream. In addition in my dreams time could span over the course of many years. Extremely disorienting to wake up from.
When I was 12 I finally developed lucid dreaming abilities and due to this was able to fight well. I gained confidence. However from this age forward various groups in dreams would capture me and hold me in labs, performing experiments on me, some cruel and some just tedious. As I got stronger they began to use blackmail to keep me in line, often threatening or holding captive friends or family, which as much as I claimed to be numb to, was still upsetting. The thing I generally hated most about the labs wasn't even really the experiments (most places just had boring tests I had to do) but rather being held captive against my will.
By 15 I experienced an explosion in my lucid abilities to where I was basically all powerful. The human groups in my dreams had no way of containing me by this point. At this point strange entities began appearing to me. Some just wanted to fight. Some caught me and put me on display like a zoo animal or wanted me as some type of pet. Some of them wanted to force me to marry them. I would eventually refer to these entities as djinn and learned it was best to steer clear of them.
From ages 17 to 18 I actually lost my lucid dreaming abilities entirely. I was tortured very badly by the demons then, and sexual abuse was included now and often heavily prevalent.
Age 19 I slowly started to regain my abilities and lucidity.
Now I am 27 and and back at full power. It's gotten to the point where even the demons can no longer do anything to me dreams. They prefer now to target me in hypnogogic/hypnopompic states during which I am paralyzed, not in my right mind, and basically entirely incapable of defending myself. I have yet to figure out how to overcome this.
I have lived an entirely different life in my dreams. I sleep as much as I am awake. It is often difficult to discern one reality as being more or less real than another. I've never met another person who had dream experiences like mine.
Anyhow that's all I guess. Just felt like rambling.
