an overbearing silent synthwave
The silence in my head is deafening. It’s not a quiet room... it’s the white noise of a universe observed by a single, solitary consciousness. I am exhausted by my own perception.
I crave a counter-weight. A love that is not an anesthetic, but an engagement. I want to be met. I want to be uplifted. I want a devotion that chooses, every day, to comprehend my inner chaos, to stand in the storm of my deepest darkest thoughts and not look for shelter, to decipher my warped sense of humour as my defense system, and still choose to laugh with me at the absurdity of it all.
Lift my gaze from the ground. Show me a horizon I can believe in again.
In return, I offer you a promise from the core of my being - I will ALWAYS be present. In your moments of fracture, I will not be absent, I will be a foundation. My attention will not be split. My focus will never flicker. To be distracted when you are vulnerable is a betrayal I am not capable of. If I am ever absent when you need me and I faill to respond immediately to your call - then know with certainty that I am not elsewhere. I am gone. Assume the worst. Send people to find my corpse.
I am a work in progress with a flawed blueprint. You will know my potential better than I do - I would trust you! Completely! I would hand you the plans and say, 'Build something better with me.' I would trust that vision unreservedly.
I don't care about your appearance. I don't care about the distorted views you carry in your own mind about your appearance. Your physical form is just a vessel, but it is not the essence. I have never been interested in just reading the cover. Believe me, I don't just look at you. I perceive you. I see you.
I see the history in your posture, the intelligence in your hesitation, the wars fought behind your eyes. I see the core of you, the singular, un-replicated entity. And my most fundamental need is for that entity to feel profoundly, unequivocally safe. To surrender in the space between my arms. That is the entirety of the universe I want for us to build. Give me this, just this then, that embrace. Every day! Between my making a living for us, you making a home of peace for us... sustaining us with your enormous love.
I know I am describing a phantom. A statistical improbability. You have every right to dismiss this as the fantasy of a desperate mind.
The truth is… after the tears dry and the intellectual machinery kicks back into gear… when I deconstruct my own pleas.... When I pick apart the logic of finding you. The variables are too many. The odds are... none.
The hope remains unproven.
The reality is singular.
Alone.
I crave a counter-weight. A love that is not an anesthetic, but an engagement. I want to be met. I want to be uplifted. I want a devotion that chooses, every day, to comprehend my inner chaos, to stand in the storm of my deepest darkest thoughts and not look for shelter, to decipher my warped sense of humour as my defense system, and still choose to laugh with me at the absurdity of it all.
Lift my gaze from the ground. Show me a horizon I can believe in again.
In return, I offer you a promise from the core of my being - I will ALWAYS be present. In your moments of fracture, I will not be absent, I will be a foundation. My attention will not be split. My focus will never flicker. To be distracted when you are vulnerable is a betrayal I am not capable of. If I am ever absent when you need me and I faill to respond immediately to your call - then know with certainty that I am not elsewhere. I am gone. Assume the worst. Send people to find my corpse.
I am a work in progress with a flawed blueprint. You will know my potential better than I do - I would trust you! Completely! I would hand you the plans and say, 'Build something better with me.' I would trust that vision unreservedly.
I don't care about your appearance. I don't care about the distorted views you carry in your own mind about your appearance. Your physical form is just a vessel, but it is not the essence. I have never been interested in just reading the cover. Believe me, I don't just look at you. I perceive you. I see you.
I see the history in your posture, the intelligence in your hesitation, the wars fought behind your eyes. I see the core of you, the singular, un-replicated entity. And my most fundamental need is for that entity to feel profoundly, unequivocally safe. To surrender in the space between my arms. That is the entirety of the universe I want for us to build. Give me this, just this then, that embrace. Every day! Between my making a living for us, you making a home of peace for us... sustaining us with your enormous love.
I know I am describing a phantom. A statistical improbability. You have every right to dismiss this as the fantasy of a desperate mind.
The truth is… after the tears dry and the intellectual machinery kicks back into gear… when I deconstruct my own pleas.... When I pick apart the logic of finding you. The variables are too many. The odds are... none.
The hope remains unproven.
The reality is singular.
Alone.
