Is getting married worth it?

@WoodyAq why?

@Clairessa09 There are very few soulmates out there. In most relationships, it takes skills and work and learning. And if you have a real relationship, you will hurt each other, the way only intimates can.

It is really easy to grow apart, and hard to grow together.

@WoodyAq have u seen happy couples?really happy

@Clairessa09 Yes. My parents had a great marriage. They seem an exception though.

@WoodyAq my parents had a horrible horrible marriage. My dad left with nothing and then came back. I have a great guy who does everything for me but due to my parents shit marriage and my sisters divorce and stories about men i give this guy a hard time cos of my insecurity and pain from my upbringing

@Clairessa09 That's tough. But you know that about yourself, so you can work on it.

I was being flippant in my original post, but I often feel that way mainly because my own marriage hasn't lived up to what my parents had.

I'd say that after the initial glow wears off, marriage is like a lot of things: results depend on how much work you both are willing to put in, consistently, a bit each day, in spite of whatever else is going on.

If you commit to the effort and some sacrifice, and he does too, the payoff can be huge.

@WoodyAq Im sorry. U sound depressed about it. Dou miss her? My sister is divorced for 10 years and shes still not doing well. Every relationship shes like a mess.

Im also afraid my bf will get bored with me,even tho i so messed up i dedicatedmy whole life for him. Yesterday for the first time in 3 years being together we had an argument and he said he doesnt care anymore and walked out. He said sorry today but i think he meant it

@Clairessa09 We're still nominally together, which makes it worse. We have a kid together, who is great and to whom I am completely devoted.

Plus, divorce is ruinously expensive.

I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend. But there needs to be balance. You need someone who is an important part of your life, but not all of it, and vice versa.

@WoodyAq I agree. He said he was angry but it felt he meant it. What do u think

@Clairessa09 Give him a bit of time. Btw, marriage is often about getting angry with each other, and then finding your way back together, sometimes when you don't really feel like it.

But don't try and force it in the heat of the moment.

@WoodyAq you right. Do u ever think u and ur wife can make amends? Remember u wanted to marry her once upon a time.

@Clairessa09 We'll keep trying, I suppose. But I'm not sure she understands the efforts she needs to make, and it does take two.

Once you've been in a negative dynamic for a while, it is difficult to get out.

@WoodyAq Yeah i understand. Its like u sunken too deep to look for hope anymore. A life coach once told me list 15 things that you gratful for everyday..and you can also do that in your relationship. List 15 things about the other person that you love. What made you fall in love with her the first time you saw her. She may have changed now due to raising a child,stress or depression but that girl is still there.

@Clairessa09 I'll give it a shot...

@WoodyAq do that..take her out to her favourite restaurant. Let her talk about everything she been through and really listen to her and understand.You married this woman and you said you going to love and protect her. Dont let her down. What did she do wrong? Did she cheat on you? What went wrong?

She probably hurting just as much as you are. Ive seen divorces and they are messy and the person who gets dirvorced very rarely finds their way from what ive seen.

Also try visualisation. Imagine how you want your relationship to be,write it down. It will happen