I used to cut the grass all the time, but when my girls got old enough to take over, I turned it over to them. Today, as they got started mowing, I thought to myself, I would like to see if I can still do the yard. I had already walked a mile in the country with my Husband, and I was feeling kinda good. I knew I had to get 4 more miles in today, so I decided to go for it. It felt real good to be doing something I used to do. After that, I finished the last 2 miles with indoor walking. I did it. I set the goal of 5 miles a day, and meeting this goal fills me such joy!
I hope my Husband doesn't sabotage me this time. I do love him with all my heart, but usually if I get to doing good, feeling good, and such, he does something that stops me. Something that to an outsider probably wouldn't seem like much, but to a woman with absolutely no self-confidence and few coping skills ( due to having to skip many developmental stages because of childhood abuse), it would be guaranteed to crush me. My Husband knows me better than anyone else in the world and when he wants to stop my forward progress, he knows how. It could be something as simple as starting fights with my until I get depressed. I don't know if he does this on purpose. It seems like sometimes he gets insecure about my feeling better. I don't know. It is hard to explain. Still, I hope he just stays proud of me this time. :-)
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