I'm a little embarrassed at how I handled the last ten years.

My life slowly imploded. I'm not proud at all how I reacted, but I also went through things you can't know until you know.

My past is like an old friend. I can't regret the adventures I had in my decade of becoming...

But I'm really ready to just move on.

I'm not excited, I'm too tired and I know there is no fantasy waiting for me.

Just ready to move on 🖤

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morrgin · F

Sound like where I am or I'm close to being there. Wonder if we went through any of the same things? Things people only understand if they've been through it too.

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@morrgin Some stuff you can never fully understand yourself going through it.

I got divorced, raised my child alone, lost my uncle who was more like my dad than my dad, lost both my parents, lumpectomy, cancer, sold everything and lived and traveled in a van, lost my family and friends but they needed to be lost, betrayal, abuse...

It's been very confusing and unsure.

It's so hard to know what the right thing is when everything you know falls apart in your hands. You watch it slip away and wonder how you're going to make it, and because you're in the middle of it you have to do something and fast.

I never wanted to feel sorry for myself, but now I can finally feel some empathy for myself as a person who just went through a load of pain and tried her best.

I'm sorry you know the feeling, but maybe everyone does in their own way. It's just varies in harshness.

morrgin · F

@ScreamingFox I'm still in the grips of betrayal and abuse from different people and family members, but very close to taking my child, getting a divorce, and raising her alone. I know if I stay in this spot my health will suffer more than it already has. I'm sure I'll make more mistakes along the way. I think everyone who has a good heart tries to make the best decisions they can at the moment they are in with what they know. Other times I think we respond to things in ways that might not look healthy from an outside view, but in reality is a perfectly normal and expected response given the situation and history.

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@morrgin I'm sorry you're going through that and I encourage you to get away from it. Raising a child alone is hard, not gonna sugar coat it, but it's 100000x better than watching yourself decline for people that don't deserve you and letting your child(ren) believe the abusive dynamic is okay. It sucks. It's not fair what we get stuck with sometimes because a lot of people pretend to be something they aren't and you don't know until it's too late. But you are not stuck. We were born to move and groove.