god, i feel sick. i wish i had been the one to find my mom

i wish i hadn't asked my younger brother to check on her. i will never get over it.

for months i haven't cried about it, and i've felt terribly guilty for that. but now i'm laying here like maybe i don't deserve to cry about it and never did. i spent my whole life being a terrible monster. i made my bed, amiright

she had deserved so much better than she got