How do you handle this?

Your only son goes to university.
He is studying his passion music... His teachers are impressed with his talent and tell him he has soo much potential so much so they're putting him forward for various opportunities..
Covid happens and he's lockdown with his class mates. Between studying and working at Marks and Spencers he get covid 3 times.
During which he has to order in a lot because they're told to isolate.
When things start to open up again he falls behind on his work, he shows signs of anxiety.
You tell him to come home for a break but he has no desire to fix things. His rooms a tip and he's going out til all hours with his mates.
When you drop him home at uni you see there's no food shopping his rooms a tip with mouldy plates etc.
Anyways you help him to clean up.
You think there's hope as he gets a girlfriend she then takes on the mum role paying for him to go on holiday and looking after him. But it's not really sufficient as they're so young they haven't a clue.
His behaviour gets so bad you send him to the drs and after many screenings it's seems he has adhd.
He's given meds and told to take them... Without alcohol.
He's mixing them and not taking them properly.
Now what...
On top of this he regularly calls through the night asking for money, he buys concert tickets and friends cancel on him so you go in their place. The differing opinions between parents means he's pitting them off each other...
How do you resolve this issue. Especially when he is so far behind the uni is saying he just won't make it through?

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WhateverWorks · 36-40

I’d stop giving him any money and if he doesn’t like it he can come home to get himself recomposed rather than keep botching classes then go back to school once he’s got a better grip on things. There’s more, but that be the first constructive step.

MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M

@WhateverWorks sounds like a good idea, screw school for now, he has to find solid ground first

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@WhateverWorks I agree he's taking the piss out of his mum. And the problem that I have is now they're using his adhd as an issue. He probably always had adhd. How did he cope with college and school?
When you have issues like this they actually offer you help and extensions on your work to accommodate you.

MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M

@Mellowgirl ADHD doesnt make a person into a complete mess, but if theyre a complete mess then ADHD makes it way more difficult to resolve

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@MartinTheFirst I never said adhd makes him a mess...
I don't know what his issue is but I feel like he's enjoying milking the "rich student life" for as long as possible.

MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M

@Mellowgirl well what you described was a mess

WhateverWorks · 36-40

That’s true, but they don’t ‘teach you’ how to be a good student ‘ manage your ADHD. He may have always had it, but it sounds like his folks helicoptered to compensate for his lack of executive functioning skills, so he didn’t learn to self-manage. Either way it’s a b!tch to deal with.. I’m loosing my ever-loving-mind trying to help my ADHD tween learn to handle life. Everyday I worry none of my efforts to help them help themselves will be enough.
Other side if that coin, as an ADHD adult myself who had to teach everything to myself without any help it was realllllllly hard and took yearsss to learn the skills to effectively handle adulting at like.. an 80% level lol..
@Mellowgirl

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@MartinTheFirst he had to have ecg scans, he was involved in a car crash a while back... But walked unscathed.
I think personally although he's been diagnosed with adhd he is probably dealing with some trauma.
I know that people say he should be resilient because he's so young but I think he's got some things he needs to get off his chest, including his parents divorce and watching his dad's crippling depression.

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@WhateverWorks and I commend anyone that is able to get through any diagnosis that affects so much of their life.
His mum is a mental health nurse. She suggests things to help him but again it's an irritant to him.
I don't really know what to say or suggest.
I personally agree that holding his hand right now isn't the best. I would do so when he asks for help and actively shows signs of actually trying. Right now he's being spoon fed and it only seems to be making things worse.
I think the thing that bugs me the most is the food shopping issue. His mum buys a monthly food shop for him and he still runs up the deliveroo bill on a weekly basis.