I'm mad at Cancer and life

And I'm agnostic but I almost feel near atheist. My dad got aggressive cancer just a month ago. He's in hospice as it's so rapid, chemo would not have helped. Tonight was torture. He's so miserable, moaning even on morphine AND fentanyl. He could barely speak now, and barely lift his hand. It was so awful also hearing his constant wheezing for days from pneumonia that never cleared. I'm mad at Cancer Bec it's a shit ass evil thing, truly. I'm mad at life too Bec why is there THIS much horrible suffering????? What is the reason????? It was one of the worst days of my life, seeing him decline even more tonight. Dad, I love you so much and I'm still there with you. 🌺💜😞