I feel so… numb

Very very recently, I just got diagnosed with Cervical cancer. It is early, but it’s there. It’s fucking there. It’s… a lot. I am only 30. I have children…. I have no parents left. Why? Why me? What did I do? Is this a fucked up dose of karma? I thought I was healthy, for the most part took care of my body…. I don’t know. It doesn’t feel fair. I feel like I’m alone. My circle is small, and I have very little support. I feel numb. I feel overwhelmed. I am severely depressed already and now this is on top. I feel like this is a kick to the gut. I don’t know. I guess I just need to vent.